Day 259: Ready Set Go

Ready-Set-GoAt the beginning of a long race (a marathon), we come out the blocks with hast and our idea is to get from point A to point B at a consistent and steady pace, in order to finish the race, but as we are running, we start to become a bit tired because of thinking how much further we have to go yet, so in one moment we began to lose our consistency and the hast we had at the beginning of the race, loses its steam and we find ourselves falling back behind from where we should be, on track with our preordained consistent pace. What we then know is that, it will be that much harder to catch up with ourselves/others/the group and/or the pack, to get back on track and finish the race in a specific amount of time. After a why’ll we realize our slack and at the point of realization we catch our second wind and with that second wind, we commit ourselves to no longer accept and allow ourselves to go back into our mind and once again, think of how much further we have to go before we finish the race, but even still at times we find ourselves drifting back into our old frame of mind and the same old thinking pattern, which will happen at times because the race is still extensively long, now the thing I’ve realized to do when faced with such a situation, is to realize my Breath and controlled Breathing, meaning if I am focused on my breathing, then I am aware Here, which leaves no room for the mind to interfere and thus I remain on track.

This same analogy I see that I have done throughout my process where, Ready set Go, at the beginning of my process, I was so intrigued that I came out the blocks with hast and once I started learning more and got to the point of realizing that there’s work to be done, I experience resistance and became a bit tired, because of thinking how much further I have to go yet, meaning I realized this process is forever. So in one moment I began to lose steam but still remained intrigued, which kept me coming back for more and after a while I developed somewhat of a consistent pace, which it seemed that I was fighting within myself “tooth and nail” to keep up with myself and this self-created consistent pace and so I investigated to figure out what my slack was, that kept me going back into my old frame of mind and the same old thinking patterns, which quite often happened, because of me thinking about me having to do this for the rest of my life, but yet and still I decided to stay in the race (hypothetically speaking) and to for once in my life stay consistent with something and maybe during my introspection I would realize how to stop these thought’s from coming up, back to back. One day I woke up in the morning, realized and tried what I’ve been hearing all alone but hadn’t listened to as of yet, up until that moment, which was to realize my breath in every moment, so throughout that entire morning, I began practicing on realizing my breath and noticed that as long as I’m realizing my breath, I wasn’t making any mistakes nor were these seemingly endless amounts of thoughts coming up any longer, but whenever I would let my awareness be sidetracked by my mind, these thought would come back in full force, where I would then have to start over with breath one. That’s how I know it works. Today I was faced with one of those episodes of not realizing my breath for a period of time and found myself making a few mistakes in relations to my work, where because I wasn’t paying attention completely, I broke something and then realized this was because of me not realizing my breath in every moment. So for this;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to at the beginning of my process, I was so intrigued that I came out the blocks with hast (so to speak) in wanting to learn everything that I could about what I had discovered for myself and once I started learning more and got to the point of realizing the there’s work to be done, I experience resistance and became a bit tired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience resistance and become a bit tired, because of thinking how much further I would have to go yet within my process, when I learned that there was work involved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then in one moment began to lose steam, but still remained intrigued, which kept me coming back for more, where after a while I developed somewhat of a consistent pace, which it seemed that I was fighting with myself “tooth and nail” to keep up with myself and this self-created consistent pace.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that I had to fight with myself to keep up with myself and the self-created consistent pace of my process, when the only thing I had to do was to slow myself down and introspect the situation, at which I would have come up with an immediate solution to stop this internal fighting of Breath in every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to up until that point, although I’ve heard of breath in every moment, not realize to breathe in every moment and that would have stopped the internal fighting with myself within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throughout my life let my awareness be sidetracked by my mind resulting in a seemingly endless amount of thoughts coming up within and as me at any given moment as well as at times me dosing off for no apparent reason, all because I wasn’t realizing my breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to whenever I would stop realizing my breath these thought would come back in full force, such as this morning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to this morning not realize my breath for a period of time and found myself making a few mistakes in relation to my work, where because I wasn’t paying attention completely, I broke something and then realized this was because of me not realizing my breath in every moment.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to in every moment realize my breath, where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to commit myself to realizing my breath in every moment, but then at times forget my commitment and end up either hurting myself and/or making mistakes where neither of them are acceptable, so within this I re-commit myself to from here, to realize my breath in every moment and when and as I see myself being sidetracked or distracted in some way or another from realizing my breath, where I let my mind breathe for me, which causes consequences for me as well as possibly others, I stop and breathe to get back on track and steady my pace, because I see that I am moving too fast and need to be more consistent with my breathing when moving from one place to the next, and so I commit myself to a way of realizing my breath, is to go from one moment to the next in practicing my breathing in shorter segments of time, until I am able to walk with my breath day in and day out.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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