Day 252: “Please don’t let them talk to me”.

Please-don't-let-them-talk-to-meThis usually happen when you’re walking down the street or someplace sitting having a meal, mining your own business or any place out in public for that matter, where you would come across or see a homeless person in your vicinity or someone looking and walking in your direction, I mean it doesn’t matter guy or girl and the first thing that comes to mind is, Oh no please don’t let them talk to me or ask me for anything and then we either turn our head the other way, act like we’re busy with something on our phone or simply ignore the presence of the other person in our vicinity, but oddly enough that person may or may not be paying any attention to anything thing that you’re doing, let alone know what you’re thinking.

There have been time when I have experienced this thought coming up within and as me, of; “Please don’t let them talk to me” as I was passing someone or someone was walking by where I was sitting and I notice them looking in my general direction and possibly turned my head or ignored them being in my vicinity all together. I mean it’s kind of strange being that I’m sure there are plenty of reasons why one would do this, but in the moment of, no explanation can be given to justify why it’s being done. This is another way of, judging people by their looks, where we somehow think that if they don’t look a certain way (as in conforming to the way society deems one to look), and/or not to our approachable liking, when they come across our path or us them, we separate ourselves to the point of not even wanting to be seen speaking to them, even around people we don’t know, which opens the door to us being extremely self-conscious (but what is that), which is such utter bullshit, and really is the fear of facing ourselves as the reflection we see within and as the mirror of another person.

We’re not exempt from being a victim of this behavior from others as well. I mean how would you fair if the shoes was on the other foot? Consider how it would be being snarly ignored by someone that you’re passing by and you are expressing a courteous Hi/Hello gesture and receive the cold shoulder. Then and only then will you realize the actions in which you have taken towards others as being disrespecting, which all started the moment you saw them and said in your mind “Please don’t let them talk to me”. And so for this;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to why’ll either walking down the street, having a meal, any place in public where I would come across or see a homeless person in my vicinity or someone looking and walking in my direction, have said in my mind; Oh no “Please don’t let them talk to me” or ask me for anything and then either turned my head the other way, act like I was busy with something on my phone or simply ignored the presence of the other person in my vicinity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the thought of; “Please don’t let them talk to me” to even come up within and as me, as I was passing someone or someone was walking by where I was sitting, and I noticed them looking in my general direction and possibly turned my head or ignored them being in my vicinity all together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given myself plenty of excused reasons as to why I would do this, but in the moment of, have no explanation that could be justified, as to why I was really doing this towards others, in ignoring them when they walk by with the backchat in my head of; “Please don’t let them talk to me”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the backchat of; “Please don’t let them talk to me”, to come up within and as me, whenever someone walked by, as in me judging them by the way they looked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have judged others by the way they looked, in saying; “Please don’t let them talk to me”, instead of looking at others as who they really are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within judging others, have thought that somehow, if they don’t look a certain way (as in conforming to the way society deems them to look), and/or not to my approachable liking, I would separate myself from them to the point of not even wanting to be seen speaking to them, even around other people I didn’t know.

Within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realized/understand that I was being Self-Conscious towards myself as far as judging other people by the way they looked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself have been Self-Conscious towards myself, not realizing that that was utter bullshit and the real reason behind it all was the fear of facing myself as the reflection I saw within and as the mirror of another person and thus judged them for the way they looked, when in fact I was judging myself for not really looking their way.

When and as I see myself judging other people by the way they look when they walk by or in my vicinity and looking towards my general direction or walking my way and I go into my mind and say; “Please don’t let them talk to me” and either turn my head the other way or ignore them all together, in thinking that they don’t look a certain way (as in conforming to the way society deems them to look), I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that I am being self-conscious and in a way judging myself because I am not looking their way and fear facing myself as the reflection I see within and as the mirror of this other person.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to judge others by the way they look and going into my mind when I pass people or they pass me sitting and I say to myself; “Please don’t let them talk to me” but instead to breathe and to if they approach me and speak, I will clear myself to make sure that I am not in my mind and communicate effectively with them.

I commit myself to no longer listening to the backchat in my head that comes up when I pass people or people pass me, but instead to focus on my breathing.

I commit myself to no longer being self-conscious, but instead to be as self, equal and one with my conscious and direct myself.

I commit myself to facing myself in all my forms, ways, behaviors, patterns and mind sets, to correct and change who I have become into who I really am as life and live the principle, that which is best for all life.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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