Day 250: My Relationship with Breath

mY-RELATIONSHIP-WITH-BREATHYes we breathe, but at times do not realize our breath, meaning we consume ourselves with any and everything outside of ourselves and forget that we are breathing. This then causes Shortness of Breath, Hyperventilation, Dizziness, Fainting Spells, Forgetfulness, Dozing off and so many more aliments that we blame on other things/reasons why things happen to us, when in fact they all stemmed from forgetting to breathe. Here’s a test for you; Try to realize your next (5) Breath’s without thinking one thought. If you haven’t practiced this, it’ll seem nearly impossible to do and if you have achieved this, then do (10) then (20) and so on and so forth for the rest of your life. In doing so you’ll realize one important thing; that’s who you really are, as the breath of life.

Lately, I’ve been working on the point of realizing and maintaining my awareness of breath in every moment. Throughout my process this point has been a challenge for me, to the point of having to start over every (5) minutes, at times, where I would focus on my breathing for a period of time, then catch myself after I’d stop for a period of time and then start over, meaning every time you miss one breath, you should start over, and that’s the challenging part, because within that you first have to stop your mind.

So the other morning, I woke up realizing my breath and told myself; “Ok let’s do it, let’s see how long you can focus on your breathing without missing a breath” and so for the first part of my morning work routine, I was on it, realizing every breath, with a bit of pep in my step. I was surprised because it lasted for about (2) hours, being one of the longest times I’ve ever realized every breath in one setting, so within that, I saw progress within my process, but what happened after that was even more fascinating, where it was like my mind became Super jealous and started going into overdrive in bring up all of these thought and negative scenarios out the blue that had no relevance to anything I was doing in that moment, let alone any moment after that and did not stop until I had to write it out, but that’s not it, then a bit later on, once I started doing process related work, I found myself dozing off and seeing these quick, clear as day dreams and would wake up like, what just happened.

Now I know this is in relation to resistance in some way, but I also see this coming up at times when I am not realizing my breath, which now explains why I at odd times, growing up would experience myself dozing off and not tired. It was so much to the point back then, to where it seemed as if almost every time I would sit down to listen to/hear or watch something for a period of time, I would doze off, fall asleep and then wake up like, what just happened, but then after the point, I would be wide awake. This has always tripped me out and now, I see that this had a lot to do with my relationship to breath/breathing, being that the lack of was me being stuck in my mind. So for this;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to at times not realize my own breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to at times be too consumed with any and everything outside myself and thus forget that I am breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throughout my live, have experienced a few aliment, such as shortness of breath, dizziness, one fainting spell and dozing off and blamed them all on other reasons/causes, when in fact they all stem from me forgetting to breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to at times forget to breathe.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to throughout my life realize who I really am as the breath of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the point of realizing and maintain my awareness of breath in every moment as a challenge throughout my process to the point of having to start over every (5) minute, at times, where I would focus on my breathing for a period of time, then catch myself after I’d stop for a period of time and then start over, meaning every time I miss one breath I should start over and saw that as the challenging part, because within that I would first have to stop my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my mind seem as if it became super jealous and start going into overdrive in bringing up all these thoughts and negative scenario out the blue that had no relevance to anything I was doing in that moment, let alone any moment after that and didn’t stop until I wrote it out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then a bit later (as if the mind wasn’t done), once I started doing process related work, I found myself dozing off and seeing these quick, clear as day dreams and would wake up like, what just happened.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to why’ll doing process related work doze off and see these quick, clear as day dreams and would wake up like what just happened, not realizing that it is mostly due to me not realizing my breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have at times not realized my breath and end up dozing off.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to at odd times growing up, experience myself dozing off and not tired, so much to the point back then, to where it seemed as if almost every time I would sit down and listen to/hear or watch something for a period of time, I would doze off, fall asleep and then wake up like what just happened, but after the point I would be wide awake.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to back then not realize that my lack of breathing was me being stuck in my mind.

When and as I see myself forgetting to realize my breath, where I accept and allow and follow my mind, why’ll it take me away from being here to somewhere out there and could end up with shortness of breath, dizziness, fainting spells, and dozing off, I stop and breathe to bring myself back Here, because I see/realize/understand that first off this is not who I am and by not breathing I am getting the life sucked right out of me by my mind, so it behooves me to breathe as who I am as the breath of life and not let my mind breathe for me by sucking the breath of life right out of me.

I commit myself to focus more on my breathing, to see/realize/understand that this is who I am as the breath of life, and to stop my mind from breathing for me, as this will keep me aware of everything around me while regarding my body at the same time.

I commit myself to investigating other cause outside of not realizing my breath as to why I doze off at time for no apparent reason, so that I don’t doze off anymore when I am not physically tired.

I commit myself to practicing and to remembering to breathe throughout my day until it becomes a normal first hand thing for me to do without any thought, that way I continue progressing within my process.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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