Day 234: Impress

ImpressThe illusion of stability where one use knowledge and information, a look or an act to show off to someone else in trying to make yourself seem more than what you really are or know. When looking at the word impress, within the sounding or the word, it sounds like the word imprint, where we are looking to imprint the illusion of grandeur of who we are presenting ourselves to be/as/know, into the minds of other, for them to look at/see us different. One of the most profound reasons why we do this is inferiority, where we somehow develop this idea that a person doesn’t respect us and so we believe we need to impress them in order for them to respect us. Then you have looking to impress as in a relationship sense, where you want to show off who your currently are (or not) to someone else in order to be with them. Within this some of us go to the extremes in creating a character to be with someone, but the problem with this is that once we do that, now we have to maintain this character in hopes that we don’t slip up and get caught up within our own lie.

The reason we do this is because we don’t really like ourselves, how and where we were raised and what we were told/taught to believe or not to believe in. This is a prime example of the way I experienced myself, being out on my own away from home for the first time and saw the difference of how I was raised and the way others were raised and how they came out just fine as adult and this made me hate the way I was raise, the town I grew up in and some of the people in it, so my impression to others, was being from someplace else other than where I was from, with a whole different name, family and story that I made up about my life, I mean it sounds funny but it’s sad as hell and unacceptable in the way some of us was raised, and what we were taught to believe and not to believe and had to endure in and about our lives in this world.

As another aspect, feeling as if we are not a part of something or not knowing how to participate in being a part of something because of the fear of someone questioning what we say, also causes one to want to impress others, so we do it in ways that we know best, especially like for me, I’ve always felt like an outsider and never could put into words, verbally what to say, but by being introduced to writing gave me that outlet, but self-honestly at times there is still this wanting to impress that comes up within me that I see lingering around in my mind although I may or may not act on it, it’s still not cool. Take for instance the other day, I noticed myself in the act of unconsciously trying to impress someone, where we were having a discussion on a particular topic and after listening for a moment I started talking about what I’ve heard about the topic and not what I knew as fact, I then found myself blabbing knowledge and Information, to after which time, I realized what I had done and applied self-forgiveness I the moment for it. This showed me just how easy it is to switch from having a normal conversation to going overboard in trying to impress someone all in a matter of second, so I need to be careful and aware of what I say and or do as to not put myself in a state of trying to impress someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined impress as the illusion of stability where I used knowledge and information, a look or an act to show off to someone else in trying to make myself seem more than what I really am and know.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have, within trying to impress someone look to imprint the illusion of grandeur of who I was presenting myself to be/as/know, in to the minds of others, for them to look at/see me different.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have tried to impress others, because
I saw myself as inferior to them where I somehow developed this idea that a person doesn’t respect me and so believed that I needed to impress them in order for them to respect me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that others should respect me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek for/look for others to respect me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that the reason why I am looking to impress others to gain respect from them is because I am not respecting myself like I should and thus seek for/look for others to respect me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself total respect like I should.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have looked to impress others as in a relationship sense, where I wanted to show off who I believed myself to be (in a past tense) in order to be with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character in order to be with someone, not seeing the problem with this was that once I did that, I would have to maintain that character in hopes that I don’t slip up and get caught up in my own lie. Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have perpetuated a lie in order to be with someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find myself unconsciously trying to impress someone where in a discussion, I found myself blabbing knowledge and information of what I heard about the particular topic we were talking about and not the actual fact of what I knew or in this case what I didn’t know to be true or not.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand how easy it is to switch from having a normal conversation to going overboard in trying to impress someone all in the matter of seconds, so I need to be careful and aware of what I say and or do as to not put myself in a state of trying to impress someone.

When and as I see myself looking to impress others within the definition of; the illusion of stability, where I use knowledge and information, a look or act to show off to someone else in trying to make myself seem more than what I really am or know, where I look to imprint the illusion of grandeur of who I am presenting myself to be/as/know into the minds of others which in some cases I see myself as inferior where I somehow develop this idea that a person doesn’t respect me and so believe that I need to impress them in order for them to respect me, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that stability will only comes when I totally respect myself and because I am not respecting myself like I should the thought of needing to impress someone comes up, where I look for in some way others approval, meaning I am not trusting and giving to myself what I think I need to get approved by someone else.

I commit myself to no longer looking to impress others from a starting point of wanting others to respect me and/or thinking I need others approval, but instead to respect myself and it will show and give to myself what I think I need to be approved by others, which is the process of continuing to walk my process of self-change.

I commit myself to respecting myself more.

I commit myself to no longer showing off to impress others in the sense of a relationship, but instead to just be who I am and “let the chips fall where they may” so to speak.

I commit myself to when and as I am in a conversation with someone to only speak on, that which I know as fact, that I have thoroughly investigated it, lived it and/or seen it transpire, as to not be caught babbling to impress someone with knowledge and information.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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