Day 233: Blame

BlameThere was this ole television series called Family Matters where one of the main character’s named Steve Urkel, every time he would do something/mess up something or make a mistake, his favorite saying was; “Oh, Did I do that” and everyone would laugh, but at least he acknowledged in a way what he did, no matter how extreme it was. Unlike the rest of us in humanity, (hypothetically speaking) we would rather be found dead than caught having to face ourselves for some of the things we’ve done. Why, does it only take 2 seconds to admit to something, but a life time to change, that’s if we do admit to/ take responsibility for what we’ve done? This is because the admittance is done in spite of someone, where responsibility never was the forefront of our intentions to be take, so this show in a way that admittance is not necessarily the taking of responsibility, but a point of stating; “Oh, Did I do that” as just the acknowledgement thereof.

Points of blame: In a relationship we say; “It’s your fault for making me feel and/or act this way”. Around family we say; “They made me do it” and when we’re alone or by ourselves, we don’t say anything, we just point the finger at whomever the last person is that we had a confrontation with, for our lives being the way we’ve made it.

It’s funny how when we’re explaining to someone how we’re doing (when asked), we become so adamant in saying that others don’t care about us and it’s their fault for doing this or that and not being there when we need them to be and in the same breath say; “but I’m happy though” and “I’ll be ok”. So why then do we chose to make a big fuss about what other people have or haven’t done for us, when it’s our responsibility to do for ourselves really. Here is where the point of being lazy comes in, from the perspective of thinking/perceiving/believing it’s not our fault for being in a slump, and since it’s not our fault why do we have to take responsibility for (to put it bluntly) our own fuck ups? This makes it extremely harder for someone to get back on their feet, especially when we can’t get over the blame and making excuses part, and most importantly when we don’t know why we blame in the first or even have to tools to change ourselves from being a blamer and or an excuse driven person.

I came across someone today in a conversation where I saw myself in exactly how I use to be, the blame-r for the way my life had taken an unexpected turn for the worse, where I never considered it to be my fault and if you would have told me back then that it was, I would have told you “don’t stop pass go straight to hell (as if we’re not already in it), because you don’t know what I’ve been through” and walked away. In this case there wasn’t much that I could say, but hear the person out and after a why’ll they began to say what they was going to do to get themselves out of whatever they we’re in, and at that point all I could say was, “so what are you waiting for”, shook their hand, said bye and excused myself from them.

One of the greatest ways I’ve found that I’ve trapped myself in my slump of perpetual laziness is by blaming other and I mean it’s almost virtually impossible to recover from the point of blame, when you’ve lost just about everything or everything, without the tools of writing self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, and so for this;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have projected blame onto others/be a blame-r for a numerous amount of excused reasons that I had given to myself, the main one being the way my life had taken a turn for the worse, and had not at that time considered it to be my fault.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself have used the saying; “Oh, Did I do that” as an acknowledgement/admittance of things being my fault, but not take full responsibility for things being my fault.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in the past (hypothetically speaking) would have rather been found dead than caught having to face myself for some of the things I’ve done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that it only takes 2 seconds to admit to something, but was on a path of it taking a lifetime to change myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have only admitted to things in spite of someone, where responsibility never was the forefront of my intention to be taken, which shows that admittance is not necessarily the taken of responsibility, but a point of stating; “Oh, Did I do that” as just the acknowledgement thereof.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in a past relationship, as a point of blame, say; “It’s your fault for making me feel and/or act this way”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have; around family, as the point of blame, say; “They made me do it”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have; as a point of blame, why’ll being alone, by myself, have not said anything, but have just pointed the finger at whomever the last person was, that I had a confrontation with, for my life being the way I had made it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when explaining to someone how I’m doing (when asked) become adamant in saying that others don’t care about me and it’s their fault for doing this or that and not being there when I need them to be and in the same breath say; “but I’m happy though” and “I’ll be ok”, which is sort of an oxymoron because why then did I chose to make a big fuss about what other people have or haven’t done for me, when It’s my responsibility to do for myself really.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made a big fuss about what other people have or haven’t done for me, instead of me taking responsibility and doing for myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed to then realize how hard it was to get back on my feet while perpetuating blame at the same time/being a blame-r and/or an excuse driven person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been a blame-r for the way my life had taken an unexpected turn for the worse and while explaining this to someone come up with the solutions of what to do and how to get myself out of the slump I was in, but never followed through with it, because I was too stuck in my mind to even see that I had the answers all alone within me.

When and as I see myself attempting to project blame onto others/being a blame-r for any numerous amounts of excused reasons I have given myself, the main one being the way my life had taken a turn for the worse and would (hypothetically speaking) rather be found dead than caught having to face myself for some of the things I’ve done to put myself in such position, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that in doing so I am making it that much harder for me to overcome the position I have put myself in, because it’s almost virtually impossible to recover from the point of blame if first off, I am constantly/continuously perpetuating and projecting blame onto other, which is an act of continual slyness on my part and secondly if I fail to take responsibility for placing myself in this position in the first place and so;

I commit myself to from here no further will I accept and allow myself to ideally sit back and not take responsibility for any and everything that I do/have done to myself and no longer project blame onto others, but instead to stand within and as this slump that I have created for myself, direct/correct it and change myself from what I have become to who I really am as life and live Here in every moment of breath to my utmost potential.

I commit myself to no longer only admit things in spite of someone, as in saying; “Oh, Did I do that” as the acknowledgement thereof, but instead to take full responsibility for the things I’ve done and correct myself; to not repeat them again.

I commit myself to not project blame in a future relationship as in saying; “It’s your fault you made me feel or act this way”, but instead to take responsibility for my actions in my relationship.

I commit myself to not project blame around family as in say; “They made me do it”, but instead to don’t do anything that is offensive or destructive to a family member, there stuff or wellbeing.

I commit myself to when and as I am alone by myself and the thought of projecting blame comes up, directed toward the last person I had a confrontation with, I stop and breathe and bring it back to self, because at that point I realize that I was the problem that escalated the confrontation as well and correct/direct myself and change.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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