Day 206: Trust In Another

Trust-in-AnotherWhen you know from experience that you can’t trust someone why put yourself in a position of trusting them again, even after time and time again they prove to be untrustworthy, but yet and still when the time comes when you’re faced with a dilemma they are so convincing and although they may be telling the truth in the moment after the moment is when it counts, so what changes in between the time you put your trust in their word and them/us actually not following through.

This is where intention comes into play because we may intend to follow through with what we said we would and believe down deep that we will, but our intentions is driven by the blinding self-interest of what we want, perceive that we “need” in that moment, so in that instance it’s like we’re using manipulation to fulfill our wants/needs/desires which in all cases will turn out consequential.

Another example is when we really do need something, obtain it and end up not paying it back, but have all the intentions in the world to, as by our convincing (and true for the most part) story, in this case we say just about anything to get the help we need while knowing that we may not have the ability to follow through with our word of paying back what we said we would. The reason why we just don’t say that we may not be able to pay someone back is because we fear that they won’t help us in the first place. And when you think about it the person who helped 9 times out of 10 don’t really expect to be paid back.

I mean I have been on both side of this coin where on one side self-honestly, I had all the intentions in the world of following through with what I said I would, but in between the time, I would lose track/focus on what I said I would do because I would be too stuck in my mind on some other shit and forgot all about what I said. So now when it comes to trusting in another, I see it through my own eyes of how I used to be and from there discern whether or not I in their same position would’ve be trustworthy or not. And So;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word trust as in trust in another to follow through with what they said they will do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that another is trustworthy even after I have experienced them not to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that another is trust worthy for my own self–interested outcome reasons as to why I believed and/or helped them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put myself in a position of trusting someone again, even after time and time again they prove to be untrustworthy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have intended to follow through with what I said I would and believed down deep that I will, not realizing at that time my intentions was often driven by the blinding self-interest of what I wanted, perceived that I “needed” in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used manipulation to fulfill my wants/need/desires.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have said just about anything to get the help I needed while knowing that I may not have the ability to follow through with my word of paying back what I said I would.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not say to someone that I wouldn’t be able to pay them back because I feared If I said that, they wouldn’t help me out in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been on both sides of the coin where on one side self-honestly, I had all the intentions in the world of following through with what I said I would, but in between time, I would lose track/focus on what I said I would do because I would be too busy stuck in my mind on some other shit and forgot all about what I said.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that most importantly I must learn how to trust myself first in order for me to be able to trust another on any level and that way when and as I am faced with a situation where I would have to trust another I will know how to direct my decision to the best possible outcome of that which is best for all.

When and as I see myself defining the word trust as in trust in another to follow through with what they said they will do where I think/perceive/believe that another is trustworthy even after I have experienced them not to be and did anyway for my own self-interested outcome reasons as to why I believe and/or helped them, I stop and breathe, I see/realize/understand that I put myself in this position and have been on the other side of the coin where I have intended to follow through with what I said I would at the time, not realizing at the time that my intentions was driven by the blinding self-interest of what I wanted, perceived that I “needed” in that moment where I have used manipulation to fulfill my wants/needs/desires, so seeing it within another at the time did not wake me up because I still wanted to see what I could get out of trusting in another, so that is one of the main reasons why I continue trusting another.

I see/realize/understand that most importantly I must learn how to trust myself first, in order for me to be able to trust another on any level and that way when and as I am faced with a situation where I would have to trust another, I will know how to direct my decision to the best possible outcome of that which is best for all.

I commit myself to trusting more in myself and getting to the point of living/expressing self-trust on a daily bases, because if I am not able to trust myself then I am not directing myself, but being directed by my gullibility, which in turn keeps me stuck in a perpetual time loop of repeating the mistakes and trusting the same ole people in my life as they continue to do the same ole things.

I commit myself to living/expressing self-trust on a daily bases and getting to the point of standing equal to and one with who self is – knowing living who I am through and through.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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