Day 205: Again

AgainHave you ever gotten through something and got all the way to the end of it just to realize and/or be told that it was incorrect and it has to be done all over again. When I was in the military, I experienced something like this quite a few times, where we would have inspections for everything. The most repetitive and mind boggling was when we had our “field day” (which in other words means spring cleaning) and what was crazy was that we would clean the “barrack from top to bottom to a point of it shining, thinking that we were going to pass the inspection, but when the platoon sergeant came in, he would come in with a white pair of gloves on and the first speck of dust he got on his gloves he would mess up the entire barrack and tell us; “Again”, meaning to do it all over again, now obviously we would blame the person/persons who was closest to where he found the speck of dust for “making us” have to do it all over again, because it seemed easier to blame, but when it kept happening we realized something had to give and until we all went back over each other’s area did we finally passed the inspection.

I have been one throughout my life who has always blamed others for my mistakes, if or not guided by direction, where I would miss completely the word My within the whole thing and substitute it with them/they did this or that, not realizing at the end of the day, them/they don’t have to do the work over again, I do, so within that blaming is useless and only adds fuel to your own internal fire of self-created dissatisfaction and rage for nothing, because there is nothing you can do about it, but to take responsibility in using the mistake as a gift and do the work correctly and learn from it. Because I mean what’s a month compared to a life time of mistakes and not realizing that you’re making them, being that now one has the tools and support to correct yourself, it’s minuscule and “hell”, that’s why we’re all here in the first place, So for this I am grateful and thus;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have gotten through something and got all the way to the end of it just to realize and/or be told that it was incorrect and it has to be done all over again, where I have normally became frustrated and looked for someone/something to blame as a reaction to my mistake.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in the military experience this quite a few times, where we would have inspection after our “field day” cleaning and failed the inspection because, I would separate myself to my own area and not see/realize the inspection to be for all as one and I would become frustrated and blame others because we failed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that it was easier to blame, until it kept happening and realized something had to give.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that until we all went back over each other’s area would we finally passed the inspection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been one throughout my life who has always blamed others for my mistakes, if or not guided by direction, where I would miss completely the word My within the whole thing and substitute it with them/they did this or that.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize at the end of the day, them/they don’t have to do the work over again, I do, so within that blaming is useless and only adds fuel to my own internal fire of self-created dissatisfaction and rage for nothing, because there is nothing I can do about it, but to take responsibility in using the mistake as a gift and do the work correctly and learn from it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have placed myself within the position of having to do things Again, by going off the reservation per se in not following specific guidelines within an assignment and if I thought I was, not asking the correct questions to ensure I was on the correct track, but instead take it upon myself to continue on and thus end up having to do things Again as my participation within it.
.

When and as I see myself getting through something all the way to the end then realizing and/or being told that it was incorrect and it has to be done all over again, where I would normally become frustrated and look for someone/something to blame as a reaction to My mistake, as done when I was in the military and would have inspections after our “field day” cleaning and failed because, I didn’t work together with others, in checking each other’s areas and my own more than once to ensure that I was on the correct track or same page as the guidelines on how to do things correctly, but instead substitute the My, with them/they did this or that in blame them/they instead of taking responsibility for my mistake, I stop and breathe. I realize at the end of the day, them/they don’t have to do the work over again, I do, so within that blaming is useless and only adds to my own internal fire of self-created dissatisfaction and rage for nothing, because there is nothing I can do about it, but to take responsibility in using the mistake as a gift and do the work correctly and learn from it.

I commit myself to checking before I’m placing myself in a position of having to do things Again, by following the specific guidelines of whatever it is I am doing and if I am not 100% certain, I will ask questions until I understand and see that I have understood through my work and feedback from those in positions of assisting and supporting me, at which time I will make the corrections that’s needed as this is what any process entails and is the avenue to learning self to be able to live and express my utmost potential.

I commit myself to taking responsibility for my mistakes and using them as a gift in showing me what’s still needed to be worked on within and as me.

I commit myself to standing from within my mistakes and living the corrections.

I commit myself to no longer let the frustration, anger, dissatisfaction and rage, come up within and as me as a reflection of myself in trying to project it onto others, but instead to direct this energy into and as a solution and live the correction.

Advertisements

About carltontedford

In Process.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s