Day 201: Things That I Notice that I hadn’t before.

Stop-breath-look-noticeHave you ever gotten to the point where you say to yourself; “I haven’t thought this much in my life”? And then realize you’re just noticing it now. Have you ever noticed the support system you have and can hear it and say how? Have you ever walked outside and notice that nature was waiting for you to take your place? Have you ever went passed a mirror and notice a disgusted look on your face? Have you ever noticed what you were doing in a dream and stopped yourself? Have you ever noticed the faces in everything you look at, from the wallpaper to the towels on your shelf? Have you ever notice the pain in your foot, telling you which way to go? Have you ever kept going when the resistance you experience said no? And then notice an interesting thing when you got to the other side; that it was like rolling down the hill and enjoying the ride. Have you ever taken notice when things don’t go right, that you are partly to blame and then look inside yourself and felt ashamed? Have you ever gotten fed up to the point where you didn’t know what to do, then noticed and said “hey wait a minute, where the hell am I going to Give up to”.

It has always been the things right in front of my face that I hadn’t taken notice of throughout my life, things like tripping upon a curb when stepping onto a sidewalk where I would fall or things like being stuck in my mind, thinking too much and then I would fall. The only reason why things go unnoticed is because we are stuck in our minds.

In my mind I was a wonderer, always wondering about something, like what’s going on over there and I wonder what they are doing and I wonder where I’m gone to be next in my life and I wonder who will I meet and I wonder what will I say and I wonder what will I see and/or do when I get there and I wonder will people like me and I wonder how they made this and that and so on and so forth, wonder after wonder after wonder. I sometime wonder how I ever got to the point of noticing anything, but be that as it may, I’ve noticed a difference in coming from the wonder years to where I am now and see and realize that I still have a long way to go, so for this;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have gotten to the point where I said to myself; “I haven’t thought this much in my life” and then realized that I was just noticing it now.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to noticed that what I am hearing is my support system all around me before my process and said how.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not notice when I walked outside that nature was waiting for me to take my place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have went passed a mirror and not notice a disgusted look on my face.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to before my process notice what I was doing in a dream and stop myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to before my process notice the faces in everything I looked at, from the wallpaper to the towels hanging from under my shelf.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to before my process notice the pain in my foot telling me which way to go.

I realized to keep going when the resistance I experienced said no.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to before my process notice when things didn’t go right, that I am partly to blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then look inside myself and feel ashamed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have gotten fed up to the point where I didn’t know what to do, then noticed and said myself “hey what a minute, where the hell am I going to Give up to”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my mind have been a wonderer, always wondering about something, from what’s going on over there to wondering about what people are doing to wondering where I would be next in my life and who will I meet and what I would say, to what will I see and/or do when I got there and wondering if people will like me and so on and so forth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sometime wonder how I ever got to the point of noticing anything.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that it takes dedication, self-honesty and self-forgiveness to stop my mind from thinking too much and to be persistent in my process, where I not only will notice things but be able to understand and communicate with myself my understandings, which is a process of getting to the point of being able to stand equal to and one with who self is- knowing/living who I am through and through as the understanding of what I see and notice.

When and as I see myself getting to the point of saying to myself; “I haven’t thought this much in my life”, where it becomes hard for me to take notice of the things right in front of me, whether it’s my support system showing me something, not noticing nature, not noticing the disgusted look on my face, blaming other for things not going right, where I played an equal part in the mess, then feeling ashamed of myself to the point of getting fed up and not knowing what to do and end up force taking responsibility because there is nowhere to give up to, I stop and breathe and re-breathe to stop my mind and see/realize/understand that it takes dedication, self-honesty and self-forgiveness to stop my mind from thinking too much and I need to be persistent in my process, where not only will I notice things again , but be able to understand and communicate with myself my understandings, which is a process of getting to the point of being able to stand equal to and one with who self-is – knowing/living who I am through and through as the understanding of what I see and notice.

I commit myself to persistence in sticking to my process as this way my noticing becomes self-awareness and by being self-aware I am able to become life.

I commit myself to practicing breathing and clearing myself before I do anything.

I commit myself to taking notice of my facial expressions.

I commit myself to learning how to understand and communicate with the things I take notice of.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself wondering off back into the wonder years, I stop and breathe and realize that nothing back then/there can or will save me from my process that is busy unfolding as I write, as well as looking forward in projecting my past into the future as in what if next time, will only hinder me from being present and walking my process of noticing things, and so;

I commit myself to staying within my process in present time and not in my mind as then and only then will things become fine.

I commit myself to no long use wonder as a scape goat to time travel, but to Take Initiative, Move and Express in real time as to what is best for all life.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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