Day 193: Interesting Points

It’s interesting that the first big word I learned how to spell and could remember is interesting.interesring

It’s interesting how when you don’t have money what satisfies you is a big meal. It is also interesting how when you do have money the last thing on your mind is eating. It’s interesting how when you’re in a relationship you think about being with someone else. And when you are alone you think about how faithful you’ll be to someone. It’s interesting how when you misplace something you think somebody stole it and when you find it you laugh it off as if you always knew it. It’s interesting how when we “Lie” your forehead gets wrinkly, the same as when you’re surprised, your forehead gets wrinkly. It’s interesting how everybody thinks they have a photographic memory, but can’t remember names and never forget a face. It’s interesting how some of us believe that we we’re born to save the human race. It’s interesting the things we say we’ll do if we had a million dollar, things like I’ll give everybody in my family ten thousand and buy me a car. It’s interesting how we only help people in hopes of getting something in return, money preferably, maybe good karma, if not they’re not my concern. It’s interesting how I let my self-interest direct everything I do, even writing this post it’s for me and then for you.

What’s really interesting is the word IN TE RES TING in itself, where we think/perceive/believe, IN TURN you’ll REST why’ll the THINGS that matter is not our problem, when in fact you open your real EYES and see that we are the direct cause of everything existing the way it does today and interestingly enough, I must and will take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become and to exist as in my world and reality.

My interest have always been self-orientated, no matter how you put it, if I wasn’t getting something out of it, then I’ll do it as a you owe me and self-honestly even when I knew I wasn’t getting anything, I chased the energetic rush feeling of having done something for someone which was like a self-high and in no way in the long run for their benefit, but for my own. Having this mentality throughout my life has been self-deceiving where I truly believed in “good deeds” and shit like that, without seeing/realizing/understanding the underlying point within doing thing for others as myself, where not just because I would like it done to me, but without separating myself on any level from them as me, so in fact I would be doing it for myself in a way where it becomes my first nature as in, doing unto myself (as other) what I would like to be done unto me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have interesting points that I hadn’t considered or really looked at within myself until now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I didn’t have money, what satisfied me was a big meal, as in a form of momentarily giving up and go back to work later.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to on the other hand when I have money the last thing on my mind is eating in not considering my body in all of this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in a past relationship think about being with someone else, instead of making that relationship work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when alone have thought about how faithful I would be to someone, instead of when I had the chance, be faithful to a past partner in a past relationship. (Disclaimer, I am not as I used to be).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have misplaced something and thought someone stole it and when I found it laughed it off as if I always knew it, instead of in that moment, stopping and breathing and back tracking not going into blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that whenever I lied my body would tell on me in one form of a wrinkly forehead.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I had a photographic memory, but can’t remember names and never forget a face, not realizing it to be contradictory for the simple fact I couldn’t remember names.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was born to save the human race, without knowing what it means to be life, as now I am in the process, Journey to Life in starting with saving myself, so as I become able to stand equal to and one with who self is – knowing and living who I am through and through, then I will be able to assist and support others in their process Journey to Life as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have said that I would do things with a million dollars out of self-interest, greed and in separation from that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have at times in my life only helped people in hopes of getting something in return, money preferably, maybe good karma which was still related to money and if not they were not my concern.

I forgive myself that I have accepted sand allowed myself to let my self-interest direct everything I do, even writing this post, it being for me and then for you, instead of naturally sharing my realization to expand, grow and develop into my utmost potential.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to naturally share my realizations to expand, grow and develop into my utmost potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my interest to have always been self-orientated, no matter how you put it, if I wasn’t getting something out of it, then I would do it as a you owe me and self-honestly even when I knew I wasn’t getting anything, I chased the energetic rush feeling of having done something for someone which was like a self-high and in no way in the long run for their benefit, but for my own. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chase and energetic rush feeling of having done something for someone which was like a self-high for my own benefit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into truly believing in “good deeds” and shit like that.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand the underlying point within doing things for others as myself, where not just because I would like it done to me, but without separating myself on any level from them as me, so in fact I would be doing it for myself in a way where it becomes my first nature as in doing unto myself (as others) what I would like to be done unto me.

When and as I see myself experiencing interesting points and not considering to really stopping and looking at them, where my interest becomes self-orientated, I stop and breathe. I realize that within this I am chasing and energetic rush feeling as a self-high which I believed only benefit me, but in fact it was hurting myself more by not giving myself direction but instead being directed by my mind.

I commit myself to stopping chasing this energetic rush feeling as a self-high and to direct myself to the best possible outcome in every situation that I’m faced with helping others to that which is best for all life.

I commit myself to really looking at interesting point that comes up within and as me and correcting myself within them.

I commit myself to maintaining an income and no longer momentarily take breaks to the point of just being satisfied with a big meal.

I commit myself to when and as I have money to take care of my body with food.

I commit myself to when and as or if I am in an agreement to make it work.

I commit myself to when and if I misplace something to stop and breathe and back track and no longer go into blame or assumption.

I commit myself to standing equal to and one with who self is – knowing/living who I am through and through and continuing to walk my process Journey to life.

I commit myself to no longer let my self-interest and greed separate me from what is best for all life, but instead to, when I have the ability to make a difference use it to the utmost.

I commit myself to when and as I am faced with helping others to do it as if it was and for myself. And not in relation to what I can get out of it.

I commit myself to naturally sharing my realizations to self-expand/grow/develop into my utmost potential.

I commit myself to no longer deceiving myself into believing in “good deeds” and shit like that, but instead to see/realize/understand the underlying point within doing things for others as myself, where not just because I would like it done to me, but without separating myself on any level from them as me, so in fact I would be doing it for myself in a way where it becomes my first nature as in doing unto myself (as others) what I would like to be done unto me.

I commit myself to redefining the word interesting to that of inserting self-honesty in every situation, decision of interest I have.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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