Day 192: They, They, They

THEY-THEY-THEYI wonder what they are doing. I wonder what they are thinking about. I wonder what they’re life is like. I wonder if they’re thinking about me. I wonder what they think about me. Do they hate me? I bet they’re talking about me. I wonder what they’re talk about. I wonder if they hate me. Should I say something to them? Why don’t they talk to me? Who do they think they are? Here they come I wonder will they say something to me this time. I like them. They’re cool. Why do they treat me like this? They did this to me. They, They, They, They, They. The question is WHERE ARE YOU in all of this?

At times we become too consumed with what others are doing in their lives instead of focus on our own lives; plenty of mistakes are made this way. Why does everything we do in our live from our conversations with other to the way we dress, walk and talk, speak, act and look, is not for our own benefit (unless of course we get something out of it), but in the service of what they, they, they would like to see and hear us talk about and do? WHERE ARE WE in all of this?

What come up in our minds on a daily bases has to do with either past conversations with others, past situations with others, what we possibly did with others, what we should have said and/or done to others, what we shouldn’t have said and/or done to others, how we reacted towards others, how we will react if others, our significant or past significant other and so on others and so forth. WHERE ARE WE in all of this?

When I say the story of my life revolves around others, that’s exactly what it means (Revolves Around others), not with, where I would constantly/continuously play/relay over in my mind things, wondering and thinking about others to no end, where when I’d wake up in the morning my 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th thought would be about someone else and/or me with someone else for starters. Then I would go throughout the beginning of my day looking at my phone wondering if anyone called last night that I missed and why isn’t anyone calling me now? After that I would sit around with my mind on full throttle thinking with every letter of the word, about others, assuming everything as a reason I wasn’t receiving any calls, except what was real, not considering hey maybe I’m just up too early, it was bad, I had to literally hold myself back from leaving crazy messages on peoples phones, because I was too consumed with what they were doing, instead of focusing on myself. WHERE WAS I in all of this?

Although I no longer participate in my mind to that extent anymore, there are still traces of this pattern I found that remained within myself, where at times I find myself being a bit consumed with thinking about others and a few of the aforementioned phrases, where I lose focus on what I’m doing in that moment, so for this;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be consumed about they, they, they instead of focusing on me, me, me and my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wonder what others are doing, instead of focusing on what I am doing in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have wondered what others are thinking about, instead of stopping my mind from thinking about them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have wondered what others life is like, instead of focusing on who I am as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have wondered if others were thinking about me, when it’s was me thinking about them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have wondered what others think about me, instead of me investigating with introspection who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have wondered if others hate me, instead of me loving myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have bet that others were talking about me when it was me talking about them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have wondered what others are talking about, instead of me being intimate with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have assumed that others don’t like me, when in fact it was me judging myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have judged myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have questioned if I should say something to others, instead of have a conversation with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have wondered why others don’t talk to me and then judged myself for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have wondered if someone would say something to me when they passed by, instead of me initiating the conversation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have said in my mind that I liked someone without telling them, and in some cases without even knowing them, where because I liked them I wouldn’t take the time to get to know them, out of the fear of rejection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear rejection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought that someone was cool for my own self-interested reasons.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have asked myself why do someone treat me like this and not take it upon myself to see/realize how I have treated others and/or that someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have blamed others in saying they did this to me as an abdication of my responsibility for me doing whatever it was to myself in the long run, whether placing myself in a certain position or provoking a situation, either way if I’m in it, then I must be part the problem.

I forgive myself that I haven’t at times accepted and allowed myself to do things for my own benefit, but in the service of what they, they, they would like to see and hear me talk about and do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed what comes up in my mind on a daily bases to be either past conversations with others, past situations with others, what I possibly did with others, what I should have said and/or done to others, what I shouldn’t have said and/or done to others, how I reacted towards others, how I will react if others, my past significant other and so on others and so forth.

When and as I see myself being consumed about they, they, they, where on a daily bases I think about either past conversations with others, past situations with others, what I possibly did with others, what I should have or shouldn’t have said and/or done to others, how I reacted towards others, how I will react if others, my past significant other and so on others and so forth, I stop and breathe and ask myself the question; WHERE ARE YOU? I see/realize/understand that I am not present and have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by my mind of assumption, and by not being present I am chasing energetic reactions in my head which can and will cause mistakes to be made when I am doing things throughout my day as well as giving myself anxiety by over thinking what others think about me, where I end up making irrational decisions within my process and setting myself back by not stopping these thoughts from coming up within and as me in the first place.

I commit myself to stop thinking about they, they, they, and focus on me, me, me and my process. I commit myself to focusing on what I am doing in any given moment and not what others are doing. I commit myself to investigating with introspection who I am. I commit myself to loving myself. I commit myself to being more intimate with myself. I commit myself to no longer judging myself as in assuming others don’t like me. I commit myself to being straight forward with others in getting to know them. I commit myself to no longer let the fear of rejection be the reason I don’t communicate with someone. I commit myself to treating others like I would like to be treated. I commit myself to doing things for my own benefit and not in service of what others would like me to do, unless it is best for all. I commit myself to doing what is best for all life.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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