Day 181: Addicted To Conflict

Addicted-to-conflictEveryone loves a good survival story, where let’s say one gets pushed or backed into a corner (in life) and what are they going to do about it. On the other hand nobody likes a quitter or someone who gives up, so let’s stick with the survival story, where the person comes out on top. The will to survive, the need to survive, survival of the fittest, I will survive. This is our passion and our pass time, our life in real time and our entertainment. This is what we teach our children, this is how we pick our friends as in saying; “they’re on my level”, the level of survival that is. This is how we segregate ourselves, by using survival levels (of course this is also in regards to money as the key to survival). We take what we need to survive and we also take what we need from those who took what they needed to just survive out of Fear of survival. This is called Greed, but we can’t resist hearing about or seeing a good survival story because it’s in our nature, it’s what consumes us (literally).

Within this it’s plain to see that we are Addicted To Conflict on all level, where because of our need to survive we create seemingly harmless tools of survival such as gossiping, setups, smiling in someone’s face why’ll secretly plotting behind there back to destroy them because of our “need” to survive, I call this power and when the person come crying to us thinking that we’re a friend and explaining how they’re life was just destroyed, we hand them a tissue, console them and simply blame someone else. Is this because of our need to survive or our addiction to conflict? Being that survival is a state of being and being Addicted to Conflict is a mindset, our addiction to conflict Trumps our need to survive for the simple fact that our addiction to conflict created our need to survive, and therefore everyone loves a good survival story.

In the field of entertainment is where you can really see how we are Addicted to conflict on an individual level, from television shows to movies to broad way and even opera where we sing out conflict from the past and call this entertainment. I’ve notice an interesting phenomena that takes place inside me and everyone else as a sign that shows how we are Addicted to Conflict. The other day I was watching the House of Cards television series, season one, and just as any other television show it’s full of conflict where it’s meticulously laid out and built to a climax at the end of an episode and then cuts off leaving one to wonder what will happen next, so what I notice within myself was the yearn to want to see the next episode, which was very evident being that the next morning all I could really think about was the final scenes that was stuck in my mind replaying over and over again and as I realized this, I saw how addictive this was and had to forgive myself a numeral amount of times for these scenes to subside in my mind and this became my inspiration for this topic/post.

From this, I could see countless numbers of examples showing just how Addicted to Conflict we are, from let’s say a group of female friends getting together to catch up on the latest gossip and the actual phone conversation leading up to the meeting is; “Girl I got something to tell you when I see you” and the response in most cases is; “I can’t wait”, which is in direct correlation to how one experience watching a television series, where the director is subconsciously saying; “I got to show you something next week” and our conscious response is; “I can’t wait”.

This is not to say stop watching television shows, movies, going to broad way theaters or the opera, no this is to shed light on and bring to the fore front the obviousness within our nature as being Addicted to conflict and how this is sprawled throughout our society, which all stems from one base word, which is FEAR. For no apparent reason we fear one another, but imagine if this fear didn’t exist (which in actuality it really doesn’t), there wouldn’t be a need for conflict, in other words conflict wouldn’t exist, and the only way to stop this as a whole is to start with self, by stopping my own internal conflict, I stop my participation within and as my external world and reality as conflict and once this is realized by everyone, this world will become conflict free. And the way we do this is through Self-forgiveness;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be Addicted to Conflict from the perspective of loving a good survival story, where let’s say one gets pushed or backed into a corner (in life) and what are they going to do about it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to on the other hand not like a quitter or someone who gives up, although I have been both throughout my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed survival to become my passion, my pass time, my life in real time and my entertainment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a collective teach children about survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pick friends as in saying; “they’re on my level” the level of survival that is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a collective segregate ourselves, by using survival levels (of course this is also in regards to money as the key to survival).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as collective use/make money a key to survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a collective take what I need to survive and also take what I need from those who took what they needed to just survive out of Fear of survival as Greed.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to as a collective take into consideration those who took what they needed to just survive as me, but instead implemented the survival of the fittest in taking from them to feed my greed, not realizing in the long run I was taking from myself in which I will be held accountable to/by myself for destroying my own life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a collective being addicted to conflict as a need to survive create seemingly harmless tools of survival such as gossiping, setups, where as a collective, I smile in someone’s face why’ll secretly plotting behind there back to destroy them because of our “need” to survive, (as a power trip) and when that person come crying to us thinking that we’re a friend and explaining how they’re life was just destroyed, we hand them a tissue, console them and simply blame someone else. Shame on me!

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand being that survival is a state of being and being Addicted to Conflict is a mindset, my addiction to conflict Trumps my need to survive for the simple fact that my addiction to conflict created my need to survive, and therefore as a collective everyone loves a good survival story, because it’s filled with conflict.

When and as I see myself believing in a need to survive as my Addiction to Conflict, where I become the living essence of a survival story as it becomes my passion, my pass time, my life in real time and my entertainment, I stop and breathe. I realize that although I must participate in this world for a mean to survive doesn’t mean that this survival is who I am and what’s important is my relationship to survival as being connected to my addiction to conflict which within this I also see/realize/understand being that survival is a state of being and being Addicted to conflict is a mindset, my addiction to conflict Trumps my need to survive for the simple fact that my addiction to conflict created my need to survive, and therefore in order to sort myself out, I must and will stop the conflict within myself, because by stopping my own internal conflict, I stop my participation within my external world and reality as conflict.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow survival to be the point of my existence, but instead to exist as who I am as life, in self-expression with breath in every moment, with survival as a necessity as to this day and age.

I commit myself to eradicate my addiction to conflict as my redemption to condemning myself to a life of survival through levels of survival as segregation and friendships as levels of survival in conflict with my fellow man as the fear of survival in spite of destroying others’ lives, not realizing that we are oneself as a whole, as life in itself and this addiction is but a momentary trick of affliction where as I stand in conviction of what is best for all life, this trick of affliction as the addiction to conflict will fall as the veil will be raised and for the first time as a collective we will truly be able to see LIFE right in front of us.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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