Day 165: My Parameter

My-ParameterWhat’s your breaking point? What boundaries have you set for yourself? What’s your parameter, meaning a rule or limit that controls what something is or how something should be done? What will you accept and allow? What will you not accept and allow? How far will you go to achieve your goals? Are there guidelines to your process or are you just winging it, hoping that someday you’ll just wake up miraculously changed?

A funny story in relation to the last question is: When I first started my process going through the History of Mankind videos, I would watch them until I fell asleep and whenever I woke up, I would go back a video or so before and start from there, just to make sure I didn’t miss anything and at that time (as I’m sure some have probably experienced the same) I followed what was being said in the videos to a tee, so after watching some of the video one time, I fell asleep and had a really vivid dream where I presumed I was in the dimension on some sort of hospital bed and test were being ran on me and after the last test one of the being said; “He’s not ready yet, through him back in” and in the next scene I was strapped by my feet connected to a huge slingshot that flung me up into the air and slammed me down on the grass and at that time I began to wake up, but I didn’t just wake right up, it was like my eyes was glued shut with my arms glued across my chest and all I had to do was to sit there and watch and wait for them to slowly come unglued and during that time I remembered being happy and telling myself yeah I must have passed and now I going to wake up a changed person and as my eye slowly unstuck and my arms slowly unstuck I woke up, looked around and realized nothing changed, not me nor the scenery and was bummed out. The moral of the story is change will not miraculously happen because we dream of change; it takes structure, dedication, persistence and discipline, which leads me back to “My Parameter”.

When looking at the word parameter it must be understood that a parameter is an important element to consider in evaluation or comprehension of an event, project, or situation. In mathematics you have Mathematical functions which have one or more arguments that are designed in the definition by variables. Now a function definition can also contain parameters, but unlike variables parameters are not listed among the arguments that the function takes. So when parameters are present, the definition actually defines a whole family of functions, one for every valid set of values of the parameters.

Putting this in layman terms, without parameters to my process, meaning if I’m not within the parameters of being here with breath in every moment, then I am functioning within my mind which is made up of variables that creates conflict/friction and cause an argument within my self-relationship and thus I create things like “Breaking points” and “Boundaries” for myself and start “winging things”, hoping that someday I’ll just wake up and be changed.

So My Parameter is my acceptances and allowances as in; From here no further will I accept myself to allow myself to participate within the things/mind frames that are triggers to me reactivating my old habits/ways/patterns and behaviors of my past, but instead to redefine who I am through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application in every moment of breath by walking the process of self-realization, self-discovery, self-introspection and correction to self-awareness.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to create My Parameter for myself as in what I will and will not accept and allow from myself within my process, but instead just “wing it”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just “wing it”, instead of realizing that “winging it’ doesn’t change anything, meaning how can I expect to change if I’m just “winging it”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the expectation of change in my self, when I have set no parameter for myself within my process but instead created a different dynamic within my mind of what process is all about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a different dynamic within my mind of what process is all about by holding onto “Breaking points” and “Boundaries”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto “Breaking points” and “Boundaries” causing me to live within my own limited existence.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to set goals as in things to achieve when walking within My Parameter of my process.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that change will not miraculously happen because I dream of change; it takes structure, dedication, persistence and discipline.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that if I’m not within the parameters of being here with breath in every moment, then I am functioning within my mind which is made up of variables that creates conflict/friction and cause an argument within my self-relationship and thus I create things like “Breaking points” and “Boundaries” for myself and start “winging things”, hoping that someday I’ll just wake up and be changed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to function within my mind which is made up of variables that creates conflict/friction and cause an argument within my self-relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cause an argument within my self-relationship and thus perpetuate this and not change.

When and as I see myself not creating My Parameter for myself as in what I will and will not accept and allow within my process, but instead just “winging it”, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that if I’m not within the parameters of being here with breath in every moment, then I am functioning within my mind which is made up of variables that creates conflict/friction and cause an argument within my self-relationship and thus I create things like “Breaking points” and “Boundaries for myself and start “winging things”, hoping that someday I’ll just wake up and be changed.

I commit myself to living within the parameters of being here with breath in every moment and no longer accept and allow my mind as variable to make my self-relationship conflicting.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to just “wing it”, instead of realizing that “winging it” doesn’t change anything, meaning how can I expect to change if I’m just “winging it”, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that change will not miraculously happen because I dream of change; it take structure, dedication, persistence and discipline.

I commit myself to becoming and living structure.

I commit myself to becoming and living dedication.

I commit myself to becoming and living persistence.

I commit myself to becoming and living discipline.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing the expectation of change in my self, when I have set no parameters for myself within my process, but instead created a different dynamic within my mind of what process is all about, I stop and breathe and (hypothetically speaking) sneeze the bullshit out of me. I realize that creating a different dynamic is a form of eristic pattern, which again is characterized by debate or argument which cause conflict/friction within my self-relationship. And I’m not having it.

Therefore, I commit myself to sorting out my self-relationship by setting My Parameter of what I will and will not accept and allow to be or not to be influenced with/by within my body, generated from and of the mind.

When and as I see myself creating a different dynamic within my mind of what process is all about by holding onto “Breaking points” and “Boundaries”, I stop and breathe and realize that this is causing me to live within my own limited existence, where within a breaking point I am giving up my right to life by saying; “Hey come and push my buttons”, and then I react to whatever it is; And by holding onto boundaries is like me giving others a line to not cross, but not realizing that I have just barricaded myself behind the line as well where I continue to walk around in circles to scared to break the cycle and thus set myself free.

I commit myself to getting to the point of breakthrough within my process and once I’m there to walk through it and no longer look back as in continuing to limit myself, surrounded by boundaries, but instead to change myself from who I have become to who I am as life, by living within the parameter of being here with breath in every moment.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to function within my mind which is made up of variable that creates conflict/friction and cause an argument within my self-relationship, I stop and breathe and realize by adding parameters to the function, being that parameters are not listed among the arguments that the function takes, the definition actually defines a whole family of functions, one for every valid set of values of the parameters.

I commit myself to staying within the parameters of being here with breath in every moment and no longer accept and allow my mind functioning to dictate who I am, how I live and what I do, that is not what’s best for all life.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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