Day 162: From Excitement to Reality

eXCITEMENT-TO-REALITYWhen I first found Desteni I was full of excitement, listening to and going through the videos, seeing things from a different perspective and being blown away, where every day I was excited to get to the next video to see what was really going on in existence. It was a real live version of the story never told and I wanted to tell everybody because I was hooked and you know how when we receive information we try and find discrepancies within the message, so I listened to one (1) video and said ok, then I listen to five (5) videos and said “Oh Wow” and then told myself; “Ok you need to find the source of these videos and start from the beginning”. And that’s what I did and oh boy, what did I get myself into.
As I continued on, full of excitement, obviously many questions came up and the way I knew this was the real shit was because every time I had a question, the next video or so I watched had the answer, I ‘maen’ (mean), hypothetically speaking, I became cross eyed with excitement because obviously I was on to something and at that point I was still unclear how to proceed with life and now my life as I knew it was turned upside down and nobody wanted to hear anything I had to say. It really didn’t matter to me because I knew that I had finally came across the first information that (although it was extremely confusing) made sense in a way to me.

As I continued digging deeper and deeper in to this new found information, reality started to set in where now solutions were being talked about and how through my participation, fear of loss and separation I was directly responsible for the way this world exist as it does today and what I needed to do to stop my participation within it and change this world starting with myself and that’s when I discovered “The 7 year Process to Birthing Self as Life” and the “Nothingness” videos and realized that I had to write for 7 years minimum and that’s when Reality really set in and I told myself; “I didn’t think I can do this, that’s a long time”, but yet and still, I am writing this blog today.

There are times when I have questioned myself as to, what have I gotten myself into. There are times when I’ve thought this was too much. There are times when I have wanted to just run away from it all. There are times when I think my little bit won’t make a difference. There are time when I have compared myself to others that have not yet realized what I have and said to myself why isn’t nothing happening to them and only me? There are times when I’ve wanted to blame everyone else for the position that I got myself into and there are times that I wished I could rewind back time just to see what I would do. Then I realize the reality of it all.

The reality is that we’ve longed for, looked for, searched for something different and the excitement of finding it is the reality of sticking with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to at times question myself as to, what have I gotten myself into.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to at times think this is too much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to at times wanted to just run away from it all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to at times think my little bit won’t make a difference.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to at times compared myself to others that have not yet realized what I have and said to myself; “Why isn’t nothing happening to them and only me”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to at times, wanted to blame everyone else for the position that I got myself into.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to at times wish I could rewind back time just to see what I would do, not realizing the reality of it all.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand the reality is that I’ve longed for, looked for, searched for something different and the excitement of finding it is the reality of sticking with it.

When and as I see myself at times questioning myself as to, what have I gotten myself into, I stop and breathe and realize that there is no use to saying this, now that I’m knee deep into it. I realize this to be a question that my mind is presenting to me as a preface for me to follow this thought in to reacting and wanting to give in to or give up on my process. Not going to happen.

I commit myself to when and as such a thought as this question come up within and as me to immediately stop and apply self-forgiveness for the thought and not just ignore it or say stop, because by doing so I am suppressing the thought within myself and at the opportune time the thought will come back stronger therefore why play games with myself and my process. Within this, I commit myself to not playing games within my process as this will set me back in my process.

I commit myself to no longer thinking that my process is too much, but realize that my participation within my mind is too much: So if this is too much comes up within and as me, realizing that I am stuck in my mind at that point, I start over as in clearing myself with Self-forgiveness and walk my self-corrective application.

I commit myself to realizing that self-correction to self-direction from self-introspection and self-investigation is the difference that’s needed to change this world into a place that is best for all life.

I commit myself to no longer comparing myself to others that have not yet realized what I have, as within comparison Lies a form of depression and with depression we abdicate our responsibility for ourselves which is unacceptable.

I commit myself to taking responsibility for the position I got myself into as I realize that by taking responsibility and not blaming, I am changing myself from who I have become to who I am as life.

I commit myself to seeing/realizing/understanding that there is no rewinding back time to see what I would do , but instead to take this time that I have now to change, correct myself and live the only common sense point of view of; that which is best for all life.

I commit myself to seeing/realizing/understanding the reality is that I’ve longed for, searched for, looked for something different and the excitement of finding it is the reality of sticking with it.

I commit myself to sticking with my process.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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