Day 159: Being Picked Apart

Being-Picked-ApartBeing picked apart by your mind is like being eaten alive but ants, where it goes as follows; It all starts with a thought, any thought and let’s say you stop that thought, cool, then you began focusing on your breath and a thought comes up and tells you; “Don’t forget to breathe” and you say “right”, but you’re already focusing on your breath, that’s the mind, then because you said “right” another thought comes up and says; “Count, Breathe in 4 counts, hold it for 4 count, breath out 4 counts and hold it for 4 count” and once again you say “right” and start counting, so as you’re counting the next thought comes up and says; ”Am I doing it right” and you say; “Yeah, I better make sure I’m doing it right”, and your focus starts to shift from your breathing to your counting and that’s when the next thought comes up and tells you; “Think about something to test yourself and see if your 4 count breath is effective” and once again you say ”right” and the next thought that comes up is; “This doesn’t work” and you say; “No/STOP/F@&k/Hold On, what just happen” and react ever so subtly. What you don’t realize is that you were just “Being Picked Apart” by your mind ever so subtly.

I have experienced this happening to me quite a few times and each time I believed myself to be following what was best and once I got down to the end of that road (per se) and turned back around and looked at what had just happened (in a matter of seconds), I still didn’t realize how I got there at first, but then when I walked back the timeline, I realized where I let myself be “Picked Apart” by my mind which was at the point of responding to the thought of; “Don’t forget to breathe” when I was already focusing on my breathing. I realize to what extent the mind will go to show me a point, because it’s like every time I get to know one of my mind’s tricks of the trade, it shows me a new one as if it’s giving me another key element in unlocking myself from it which is cool when looking at it from that perspective.

As an overview, although we may know or for some of us think we know how the mind works, for me there is more to learn because know I’m realizing that the mind can and will use your process to get you to react in a roundabout way, which is my manipulative nature showing me to myself, so beware of what you have done unto others, because the mind will do it to you.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be Picked Apart by my mind, where my mind will present thoughts in accordance with my process to get me to react in a roundabout way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow the thoughts that my mind presented to me until I reacted to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the thoughts that my mind presented to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, although I was focusing on my breathing in the moment, listen to my mind tell me; “Don’t forget to breathe” and respond with; “right”, not realizing that was all the mind needed to start picking me apart and provoke a reaction, in which it succeeded.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react once I realized that I had been following my mind around, with; “No/STOP/F@&k/Hold on, what just happen”?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience this happening (Being Picked Apart) quite a few times, and each time I believed myself to be following what was best, and once I got down to the end of that road (per se) and turned back around, and looked at what had just happened (in a matter of seconds), I still didn’t realize how I got there at first, but then when I walked back the timeline, I realized where I let myself be “Picked Apart” by my mind.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize until now, to what extent the mind will go to show me a point within myself, because it’s like every time I get to know one of my mind tricks of the trade, it shows me a new trick.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to be Picked Apart by my mind, where my mind will present thoughts in accordance with my process to get me to react in a roundabout way, I stop and breathe. I realize to what extent the mind will go to show me a point within myself.

I commit myself to using each point my mind shows me as a key element in unlocking myself from it.

When and as I see myself reacting to the thoughts that my mind presents to me, I stop and breathe and say; “Hey wait a minute, why am I reacting”, then investigate the source of it all.

I commit myself to investigating all thoughts that come up within and as me that would potentially provoke a reaction out of me and forgive myself for accepting and allowing these thoughts to come up within and as me in the first place.

When and as I am focusing on my breathing in the moment and my mind tell me; “Don’t forget to breathe”, I continue breathing and release this thought on the out breath, as I see this is my minds attempt to pick me apart in which I would have to decline.

I commit myself to becoming more aware of the different attempts my mind makes in service of getting me to react to any and everything by any means necessary.

I commit myself to not react but to act in preparation of the fact that my mind can and will attack.

Advertisements

About carltontedford

In Process.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s