Day 158: Secrets

SecretsEveryone has had or still have that one Secret that don’t nobody know about. This Secret only has to do with you and no one else and by sharing this secret you think that others will judge you, laugh at you or look down upon you, but what you don’t realize is that they have a secret too, so could it be that in all actuality, if a person judges you, laugh at you or look down upon you about your secret, is because they may share the same secret that you have and therefore, the laughing and judging is to hide the fact that you are one in the same.

The secret that I am referring to is something that you do when no one else is around for example some may make little subtle noises to themselves then some may have mild convulsion and make faces uncontrollably when by themselves or it may just be something that you have done in your past that you don’t want anyone (who matters) to know about it, out of fear of being judged, being laughed at or being looked down upon if your secret got out.

SELF-EXPOSURE

Throughout my life I have had these little quirks about myself which I have developed over time that I never wanted anyone to know about or see me do. I mean it’s nothing major to “ride home about”, but the reason I am saying this is to expose an overview (per se) of my self’s secrets and this way I hold no judgments towards myself and if others were to somehow find out/point out my little “Secrets” quirks (As been done before), I don’t become embarrassed, ashamed or react in anyway what so ever again.

My thing was I would make these little noises under my breathe to myself from time to time just quiet enough not to be picked up by anyone in the vicinity, you would have to be around me to notice that I’ve did that from time to time, For the longest I thought that it was because of my fascination with sounds in music/making music, but then I realized where I got it from, my dad. The point is I was so scared that others would hear me making these noises that I limited myself in not having too many conversations with others in fear of one of my noises seeping out. This was before I ever experimented with drugs and interestingly enough two (2) things happen when I was on drugs. (1) My noises making became more frequent and noticeable and (2) I had to face the fact that others were becoming aware of my noise making which was not cool but needed. Once I found Desteni and stop my drug experimentation my noise making reduced drastically to none. So there it is, the secret is now out the bag and I can move forward in no longer accepting and allowing myself to see Stress within Secrets.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have had Secrets.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that the Secrets I had were
secret and nobody knew about them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think by sharing these Secrets others will judge me, laugh at me or look down upon me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that others have secrets too, so could it be that in all actuality, if a person judged me, laughed at me or look down on upon me about my secret, is because they may share the same secret that I have/had and therefore, the laughing and judging was to hide the fact that they and I are one in the same.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to react in fear of being judged, being laughed at or being looked down upon if my secret got out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throughout my life have had these little quirks about myself which I have developed over time that I never wanted anyone to know about or see me do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold judgment towards myself about these little quirks I’ve had and if other were to somehow find out/point out my little “Secrets” quirks, I’d become embarrassed, ashamed and react to them knowing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make little noises under my breath to myself from time to time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought for the longest that it was because of my fascination with sounds in music/making music, not realizing that that I actually got if from my dad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so scared that others would hear me making noises that I limited myself in not having too many conversations with others in fear of one of my noises seeping out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to not having too many conversations with other because of fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I was on drugs, the noises became more frequent and noticeable and I had to face the fact that others were becoming aware of my noise making which was not cool but needed.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that when it comes to having “See-crets” all I See is Stress which comes from hiding things within me and calling them secret, but are points that I don’t want to face in the moment but should because I will have to, so why not sort myself out now instead of creating more consequences for myself and putting stress onto my body.

When and as I see myself having Secrets, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that by having Secrets I am accepting and allowing myself to purposely hide things within myself to not have to face them in the moment but should, because I will have to, so why not sort myself out now instead of creating more consequences for myself and putting stress onto my body.

I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing myself to see Stress within Secrets but instead to face each point as secrets that I have built up inside myself over the years and de-patronize myself from gathering and thinking that Secrets exist and are secret.

I commit myself to no longer putting the stress of carrying a secret around on my body, but
instead to release myself from this separatist way of thinking.

When and as I see myself thinking that others will judge me, laugh at me or look down on me for my secrets, I stop and breathe. I realize that it is not them who are judging me but me holding judgment against myself and thus making it a secret.

I commit myself to stop judging myself.

When and as I see myself reacting in fear of being judged, being laughed at or being looked down upon if my secrets got out, I stop and breathe and tell myself that what I do or have done has already been done or is still being done by others and I am just not aware of it, in relations to my quirks about myself, so my secret is really not a secret but a stoppable imitation of what someone else has done. I realize that it has always been within my means to stop my quirks from coming up and by doing so I no longer limit myself.

I commit myself to investigating and stopping what I see as quirks about myself through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application and accept myself as who I am as life instead of a limited preprogramed system.

When and as I see myself holding judgment towards myself about these little quirks I’ve had and if others were to somehow find out/point out my little “Secrets” quirks, I’d become embarrassed, ashamed and react to them knowing, I stop and breathe. I realize that others have secrets too, so why become embarrassed or ashamed instead of figuring out the source of it all so that I am able to stop this once and for all? I realize that I am not directing myself toward a solution to the problem but away from the problem by projecting assumed blame of judgment onto others and thus by the thought of doing this I become embarrassed and ashamed. This is insanity.

I commit myself to figuring out the source of all my quirks, my patterns, my habits and behaviors and changing my ways by no longer participating within and as them, but instead to forgive myself for them and correct myself and replace them with what is best for all.

I commit myself to when and as I find myself making noises I take a breath and forgive myself for making the noise uncontrollably and make a stand to from here no further will I accept and allow myself to make uncontrollable noises any longer but instead to remember to breathe in every moment.

When and as I see myself limiting myself in not having too many conversations with others in fear of one of my noises seeping out, I stop and breathe and no longer let a noise that I make limit me from having a potentially cool conversation with another person/being. I realize that having conversations with others is a way to expand/develop and grow within myself and my world and reality.

I commit myself to make communication and conversations a must within my world and reality as this will assist and support me to no longer let fear control me from the stand point of my assumptions.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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