Day 152: Before/After

Before-AfterBefore you point the finger, do you look within yourself? After you point the finger do you realize that you’re pointing at yourself? Before you make a statement do you know what you’re going to say? After you’ve made the statement, do you want to take it away? Before you jump to conclusions, did you ask for an explanation? After you’ve reached your conclusion, did you realize that you were mistaken? Before you ask for help, were you ready to throw in the towel? After you’ve asked for help, did you realize you didn’t need it now? Before you think up ways to maximize your investments, do you sit down and have a meeting about those who will be left in question? After all of your investments have been maximized, will you be content in trading places with a homeless guy? Before you answer that question imagine that it was you, then answer that question standing in his shoes.

Before you get angry, do you plan what you’re going to say? After you get angry, do you look at your face? Before you react, do you stop and breathe? After you react do you realize that there was no need? Before you start something, do you think of giving up? After you’ve made a commitment, do you think you can give up? Before you make a mistake, do you think about what you’re doing? After you take away the opportunity to stand and walk through it, do you realize to what extent that you blew it? Before you get another chance, do you know if you will? After will you stand still? Before you think you know, do you investigate? After you realize you don’t know, why didn’t you investigate?

Throughout my life each one of these questions I have expressed within the context of self-interest, where I have taken myself to the extreme opposite of what each question represents and not once considered what I was doing to myself and to others that was involved. I was completely self-centered and consumed with me, me, me to the point where no one else really existed from the perspective of TRAP-ping myself in my own bubble world with horse blinders on so to speak (Yeah that PART right there) and no matter what anyone would tell me, I would remain there and when my bubble got popped and started to deflate, I went down with it and once again ended up starting my life all over again from scratch. So now I’m here correcting my mistakes, before and not after it’s too late.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to point the finger and not realize that
I was pointing at myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a statement and then want to take
it away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump to conclusions and then realize I was mistaken.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ask for help and realize I didn’t need it now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry and not look at my face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react, then realize there was no need.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start something and after I’ve made the commitment, think that I can give up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a mistake and not realize to what extent I blew it until after.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have investigated what is real but thought that I knew everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have throughout my life expressed each one of these questions within the context of self-interest where I have taken myself to the extreme opposite of what each question represent and not once considered what I was doing to myself and to others that was involved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been completely self-centered and consumed with me, me, me to the point where no one else really existed from the perspective of TRAP-ping myself in my own bubble world with horse blinders on so to speak (Yeah that PART right there) and no matter what anyone would tell me, I would remain there and when my bubble got popped and started to deflate, I went down with it and once again ended up starting my life all over again from scratch.

When and as I see myself pointing the finger, I stop and breathe and realize that I am pointing at myself.

I commit myself to no longer pointing the finger at others but instead to take responsibility for my actions.

When and as I see myself making a statement and then wanting to take it back, I stop and breathe and realize I can’t take it back and deal with the consequences and correct my application of not making statement without taken into others into consideration.

I commit myself to taking others into consideration before I make any statements.

When and as I see myself jumping to conclusions and then realize I was mistaken, I stop and breathe and realize that I should have gathered all the information I needed in its specificity before I made a decision to jump to conclusions.

I commit myself to when faced with a decision, to gather all the information I need first in its specificity and then make a decision.

When and as I see myself ask for help and realize I didn’t need it now, I stop and breathe and next time, make sure I look at everything thoroughly in relation to the question before I ask.

I commit myself to thoroughly looking things over and then if I am still not getting it to ask questions.

When and as I see myself getting angry and not want to look at my face, I stop and breathe, I realize that I must and will face myself, it’s inevitable, so why not stop the anger in the moment and face myself in that moment and correct myself in that moment.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself getting angry to stop the anger in the moment and face myself in that moment and correct myself in that moment.

When and as I see myself reacting then realize there was no need to, I stop and breathe and forgive myself for my reactions to myself and to others if need be.

I commit myself to getting to the point where nothing moves within and as me for any reason at all by no longer reacting to anything.

When and as I see myself not investigating what is real but think I know everything, I stop and breathe. I realize that with no investigation comes lack of communication.

I commit myself to investigating things before I think I know about them.

When and as I see myself being completely self-centered and consumed with me, me, me to the point where no one else really exist from the perspective of TRAP-ping myself in my own bubble world, I stop and breathe. I realize that the bubble will inevitably get popped and I don’t want to go down with it and have to start my life all over again from scratch.

I commit myself to exiting my own bubble of separation and living in the HERE and Now and no longer TRAP myself within it.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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