Day 151: Consumed With Worry

Consumed“Am I ok”? “Will I be ok”? “Will I make it in time”? “Is today that day”? “Am I doing this or that right”? “Will they be alright”? “Am I f@&King up”? “What will they say”? “Will they like what I’ve done” and so on and so forth, are all statements that I have used throughout my life, being Consumed With Worry and each time I would give myself anxiety and not realize what I was doing because back then I couldn’t tell you what anxiety was, I thought it was something that old people got. Have you ever heard someone tell you the words; “Don’t worry, it’ll be alright”? It seemed as if every time someone told me that, I would worry even more. Just by the shear fact of them using the word “worry” would escalate the worry within me.

Although worry is worry, there are two (2) different ways of achieving this worry (for lack of better words). One (1) is when we’re just overly thinking too much into things and thus worry ensue and the other is when we have done or haven’t done something that we we’re told not to do or to do that we didn’t follow what we were told to do or not to do. Within this, the fear of getting caught, being scolded or getting in trouble is what insinuates the worry.

The latter of these (2) descriptions I experienced growing up when I was told to do or not to do something and did the reverse of them and would get in trouble. Now what’s interesting is nowadays the same thing applies where let’s say for example you are tempted or not to do something of your past nature and although you know what’s down that road, you do it anyway because in the moment you were blinded by the presentation of the thought to do it (not to be used as an excuse), and bout time you realize it you’ve already done it and worry ensue where you start worrying about the consequences. I have experienced this first hand and realized that I needed to up my awareness level to not repeat that mistake again, so there.

The first of the (2) is what I experience somewhat on a day to day bases where throughout my day whenever I am doing things process related (which is all day for me), I tend to worry at times and ask myself some of the above questions which is ok to ask for the most part, but the problem is that I start to second guess myself and ask again and excuse it as “Just to make sure”. That’s what I call worrying/thinking too much which causes anxiety which is abusive to my body. I realize that I must learn self-trust in getting to know and trusting oneself even more, as this will stop me from worrying (along with self-forgiveness and self-corrective application) and assist and support me in finding that connection with my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be “Consumed with Worry” to the point of giving myself anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself anxiety and thus abuse my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have abused my body and not realize how I was doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use statements of; “Am I ok”? Will I be ok”? “Will I make it in time”? “Is today the day”? “Am I doing this or that right”? “Will they be alright”? “Am I f@&king up”? “What will they say”? “Will they like what I have done” and so on and so forth throughout my life, being Consumed with Worry and each time give myself anxiety and not realize what I was doing, back then.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize what I was doing because back then I couldn’t tell you what anxiety was.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to every time someone told me the words; “Don’t worry it’ll be alright”, it seems as if I would worry even more. Just the shear fact of them using the word “worry” would escalate the worry within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry even more whenever someone told me the words “Don’t worry it’ll be alright”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overly think too much and thus accepted and allowed myself to worry which causes anxiety.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that worrying/thinking too much which causes anxiety is abusive to my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have done or haven’t done something that I was told not to do or to do that I didn’t follow what I was told to do or not to do and accept and allow the fear of getting caught, being scolded or getting in trouble insinuate the worry within and as me throughout my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been tempted to do something of my past nature and although I knew what’s down that road, I did it anyway because in that moment I allowed myself to be blinded by the presentation of the thought of doing it and when I realized it, I began to worry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be blinded by the presentation of the thought of doing something and did it, then worried about the consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throughout my day whenever I am doing something process related, tend to worry at times and ask myself some of the above questions which is ok to ask for the most part, but the problem is that I start to second guess myself and ask again and excuse it as “Just to make sure”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become worried and second guess myself because I didn’t accept the answer that I was given in the first place which was the correct answer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to excuse my repetitiveness of asking myself the question again as “Just to make sure”.
Within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that I must learn self-trust in getting to know and trusting oneself even more, as this will stop me from worrying (along with self-forgiveness and self-corrective application) and assist and support me in finding that connection with my body.

When and as I see myself being “Consumed with Worry” to the point of giving myself anxiety, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that worry in and extension of fear where I am fearing a repercussion of some sort from something that I have or haven’t done that I presume will turn out negatively, which is caused by too much thinking.

I commit myself to no longer think myself into a worrisome state of being, but instead to stay out of my mind when and as I am doing things throughout my day.

When and as I see myself using statements of; “Am I ok”? “Will I be ok”? “Will I make it in time”? “Is today the day”? Am I doing this or that right”? “Will they be alright”? “Am I f@&king up”? “What will they say”? “Will they like what I have done” and so on and so forth, I stop and breathe and use this as an indication to self that I am going into worry and immediately apply self-forgiveness to stop this pattern and cycle of abuse that I have been inflicting unto myself. I realize that I have preprogramed this pattern within myself of second guessing the physical and what’s real and I must learn self-trust in getting to know and trusting oneself even more, as this will stop me from worrying (along with self-forgiveness and self-corrective application) and assist and support me in finding that connection with my body.

I commit myself to stopping all patterns that lead me to second guessing the physical by learning, living and applying what it really means to Self-Trust as in trusting oneself and that way I no longer abuse my body or perpetuate the abuse in this world and thus be able to stand as a living example of what is best for all Life.

I commit myself to when and as I hear the words; “Don’t worry, it’ll be alright” to immediately investigate what it is I am worrying about and sort out this situation at once.

When and as I see myself being tempted to do something of a past nature, I stop and breathe and realize that this is only a presentation of a thought that has major consequences starting with that of being worried about the consequences if I were to proceed so NO thanks.

I commit myself to no longer believe the thought presentations to be anything I would want to do as this is a mind TRAP which in reverse is PART of the problem so once again No thanks.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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