Day 145: Holding On

hOLDING-ONWhen I was a child we used to play a game where we get on the merry go round and someone would push it as fast as they could while we were Holding On to it. The object of the game was to not fall off and if you didn’t have a tight grip where ever you were on the merry go round you would fall off as it was spinning. The safest place on the merry go round was in the center with your arms and legs wrapped around the pole, that would insure that you never came off, but being that some of us didn’t realize that and wanted to take our chances, we would stand right on the edge and just grip the pole with our hands, which was and exhilarating short ride because we would fall off every time.

This is sort of how I see this process where the merry go round is the actual process and once you start your process the mind will constantly/continuously take you for a spin round and around (if you don’t stop it) and as you begin to understand the mind it picks up speed so to speak going faster and faster, because it know that you are in the process of releasing yourself from it, so you start becoming comfortable with your understanding of how the mind operates and become tempted at times to stand right on the edge of your process, Holding On, thinking that your grip is sufficient enough why’ll the mind takes you on an exhilarating short energetic ride/rush/experience in which we end up falling off.

Lately I have been experiencing my mind taking me for a spin where I would have these short energetic rushes of anxiety as if I’m running out of time and losing my grip on my process at the same time where I end up stressing out for a few moments. This usually happens right when I am about to do something process related, wherein the moments leading up to me doing whatever it is, I start experiencing muscle tension, fatigue and problems concentrating as well as dosing off for no “apparent” reason, but knowing the real reason to be resistance. It got to the point today where I almost fell of the merry go round so to speak and within that not see/realize/understand this anxiety happening because I am not in the center of my process where I should be, which will insure I no longer get dizzy and fall off the merry go round so to speak when my mind is taking me for a spin, but instead to stop my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my mind constantly/continuously take me for a spin round and around without stopping it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start becoming comfortable with my understanding of how the mind operates and become tempted at times to stand right on the edge of my process, Holding On, thinking that my grip is sufficient enough why’ll my mind takes me on an exhilarating short energetic ride/rush/experience in which I end up falling off.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to my process why’ll standing on the edge of it when the mind is taking for a spin, thinking/perceiving/believing that I am stable when in fact I wasn’t.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lately have been experiencing my mind taking me for a spin where I would have these short energetic rushes of anxiety as if I’m running out of time and losing my grip on my process at the same time where I end up stressing out for a few moments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety as if I’m running out of time and losing my grip on my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to end up stressing out for a few moment from this anxiety I experienced for thinking that I am running out of time and losing my grip on my process which came from me letting my mind take me on a spin and not stopping it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety when I am about to do something process related.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to the experience anxiety wherein the moments leading up to doing something process related, I start experiencing muscle tension, fatigue and problems concentrating, as well as dosing off for no “apparent” reason, but knowing the real reason to be resistance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience muscle tension, fatigue and problems concentrating, as well as dosing off as a form of resistance leading up to doing things process related.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience resistance leading up to doing things process related.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let it get to a point today where I almost fell off of the merry go round so to speak and within that not see/realize/understand this anxiety happening because I am not in the center of my process.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand this anxiety happening because I am not in the center of my process where I should be, which will insure I no longer get dizzy and fall off the merry go round so to speak when my mind take me for a spin, but instead to stop my mind.

When and as I see myself letting my mind constantly/continuously take me for a spin round and around without stopping it, I stop and breathe. I realize that this will cause me anxiety in which I will start to experience muscle tension, fatigue and problems concentrating, as well as dosing off.

I commit myself to no longer let my mind constantly/continuously take me for a spin, but instead to spend my time focusing on what I am doing at any given moment within my process.

When and as I see myself start becoming comfortable with my understanding of how the mind operates and become temped at times to stand right on the edge of my process, Holding On, thinking that my grip is sufficient enough why’ll my mind takes me on an exhilarating short energetic ride/rush/experience in which I will end up falling off, I stop and breathe and ask myself; “If you know how the mind operates, why do you chase after these energetic experiences”? I realize that in order to insure that I don’t fall off my process any longer, I first need to stop taking these chances with myself and become more grounded within my process by hypothetically speaking “moving to the center” of my process.

I commit myself to no longer standing on the edge of my process Holding On and chasing after these energetic experiences, but instead to direct me in my process to the only viable outcome of that which is best for all life, which is in turn best for me and remain stable within that understanding.

When and as I see myself experiencing my mind take me for a spin where I would have these short energetic rushes of anxiety as if I’m running out of time and losing a grip on my process at the same time where I end up stressing out for a few moments, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand this anxiety happening because I am not in the center of my process where I should be, which will insure I no longer get dizzy and fall off the merry go round so to speak when my mind takes me for a spin.

I commit myself to stopping the spin cycle of my mind by applying self-forgiveness on each initial thought that comes up in the moment as this will stop the anxiety from coming up within and as me.

I commit myself to establishing and maintaining a firm grip on my process.
When and as I see myself experiencing anxiety when I am about to do something process related, wherein the moments leading up to it, I start experiencing muscle tension, fatigue and problems concentrating as well as dosing off for no “apparent” reason, I stop and breathe. I realize that the real reason is resistance where the mind knows that I am in the process of releasing myself from it and uses this as a protection defense mechanism in order to maintain its existent within and as me so it can continue to extract pure essence from my physical body and transform it into energy and thus I die.

I commit myself to stopping all anxiety from coming up within and as me and to use this resistance as a gift to continue pushing forward even that much more as I see that at that point I must be on the verge of releasing myself from my mind in some way.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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