Day 143: When It All Went Good

When-it-all-went-goodWhen it all went good was the moment I realized that I had lost everything. It’s like you wake up one morning with no one around and wondering where in the hell am I and how did I get here, from the perspective of realizing that you’re alone. Then you start having all of these flashbacks of everything that has happen leading up to this moment in your life, (now this is Not to say that this happens because you’re strung out on drugs or an alcoholic binge drinker of some sort because those are not the only cases in which this could possibly happen, you can be sober as a doorknob so to speak and the same can and will happen to you if you’re not careful) where you start to think if you would have made different choices then things would be different now and obviously you can sit there, blame others and beat yourself up about it for days and months on end, but in the end things will still be the same because you still haven’t taken responsibility for what you have accepted and allowed to happen to you in your world and reality and this was when it all went bad.

Have you ever had someone to tell you; “You’re going to thank me later” and you thought to yourself; “They must be crazy and out of their mind”? Then later on down the road you see and realize where you are now vs. where you were back then and if things didn’t happen the way they did you would still be that same person.

This is a realization I had the other day where at one point throughout my day a slew of thoughts and memories from my past kept coming up about when it all went bad and what I could have done to prevent this “Bad” from happening and who’s to blame and so on and so forth, where when I stepped back and looked at it all, I realized that No, this is When It All Went Good, being that if this didn’t happen I wouldn’t be walking my Journey to Life right now, but instead still stuck re-living old moments from my past, thinking that the “Bad’ will soon pass.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of when it all went bad was the moment I realized that I had lost everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have had flashbacks of everything that has happened leading up to this point in my life, where I started to think if I would have made different choices then things would have been different now and sat there, blaming others and beating myself up about it for days and months on end, not realizing that in the end things would still be the same because I still hadn’t taken responsibility for what I had accepted and allowed to happen to me in my world and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have blamed others for the choice that I made in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have beat myself up about the choices I made in my life for days and months on end.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that in the end things would still be the same because I still hadn’t taken responsibility for what I had accepted and allowed to happen to me in my world and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have had someone say to me; “You’re going to thank me later” and thought to myself; “They must be crazy and out of their mind”. Then later on down the road I see and realize where I am now vs. where I was back then and if things didn’t happen the way they did I would still be that same person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to the other day a slew of thoughts and memories from my past to keep coming up about when it all went bad and what I could have done to prevent this “Bad” from happening and who’s to blame and so on and so forth, where when I stepped back and looked at it all, I realize that No, this is When It Went All Good.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand until now that when it all went bad is actually When It All Went Good, being that if this didn’t happen I wouldn’t be walking my Journey to Life right now, but instead still stuck re-living old moments from my past, thinking that the “Bad” will soon pass.

When and as I see myself thinking of when it all went bad was the moment I realized that I had lost everything, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand now that when it all went bad is actually When It All Went Good, being that if this didn’t happen I wouldn’t be walking my Journey to Life right now, but instead still stuck re-living old moments from my past, thinking that the “Bad” will soon pass.

I commit myself to being grateful for the opportunity I have to walk my Journey to Life and to continue walking my Journey to Life.

When and as I see myself having flashbacks of everything that has happened leading up to this point in my life where I start to think if I would have made different choices then things would be different now and start blaming others and beat myself up about it for days and months on end, I stop and breathe. I realize that in the end things will still be the same because I am not taking responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed to happen to me in my world and reality.

I commit myself to taking responsibility for the choices that I’ve made in my life. I commit myself to no longer blaming others for the choices I made in my life. I commit myself to no longer beat myself up about the choices I’ve made in my life but instead to continue walking my Journey to Life and no longer accept and allow these flashbacks to come up within and as me but instead to forgive them the moment I see them arising.

When and as I see a slew of thoughts and memories from my past attempting to continue to come up about when it all went bad and what I could have done to prevent the “Bad” from happening and who’s to blame and so on and so forth, I stop and breathe and step back and look at it all, and realize that No, this is When It All Went Good, as I am not the person I used to be and would have still been if nothing had happened.

I commit myself to continuing to change myself from the person I used to be to who I am as life and no longer accepted and allowed thoughts and memories from my past to come up but instead to prevent this by stopping them in the moment and applying self-forgiveness.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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