Day 138: Depends On

Depends-On(Although some things really do “Depends On”) Why is everything depended on this or that, for example, let’s say you ask someone’s opinion on something specific, they’ll say; “Well it Depends On” or if someone asked you a question as in; “What would you do in this or that situation”, instead of giving them a direct, straightforward and to the point answer we try and alter the situation to suit our answer as in saying; “It depends on if this was that way and that was this way, then I would have did this or that this way, but if that was this way and this was that way then I would have done that or this that way. Huh! The underlying point within this is the point of always wanting to be “right” at/about something or be seen as a person with a cool point of view and be revered as knowledgeable and the one to go to if you have a problem.

Throughout my life everything has always been; “Depends On” this or that, which I would say started when I was just a child and depended on whether I did this or that would I receive something in return, like sweets or a toy or something that I wanted really bad. I remember one year going school shopping with my family and as we was walking into the mall, to the right was an arcade that got my attention, I believe it was the first time I ever seen an arcade, so I veered off from the pack of us and into the arcade and stayed there until someone came and found me, by that time the shopping was about done and everyone else got to pick out their things they wanted and because I wasn’t there my things got picked out for me as in the new shoes and clothes (which was fine), but the thing was, although I got new stuff I wasn’t able to wear them when school started as a punishment for veering off, and here you see depended on if I wouldn’t have veered off, would I have been able to wear my new stuff when school started.

From then on I started to use; “Depends On” for just about everything where anything that I did for others or was asked to do was depended on whether or not it was in my best-interest (self-interest) of doing for them such as getting a “favor” in return or recognition as in them letting others know what I did for them etc. Which then; “Depends On” became a part of my conversation where if ever I was asked a question instead of giving them a direct, straightforward and to the point answer, I would alter the question to suit my answer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have when someone would ask me a question as in; “What would I do in this or that situation, instead of giving them a direct, straightforward and to the point answer, I would say; ‘Depends On”, where I would try and alter the situation to suit my answer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and alter the situation to suit my answer, when asked what I would do in this or that situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always want to be “right” at/about something or be seen as a person with a cool point of view and be revered as knowledgeable and the one to go to if you have a problem, within my answering of questions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be revered as knowledgeable and the one to go to if others have a problem, so I would alter the question to give what I perceived as the “right” answer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to being that I learned things depended on this or that when I was a child, from then on I started to use; “Depends On” for just about everything where anything that I did for others or was asked to do was depended on whether or not it was in my best-interest (self-interest) of doing for them, such as getting a “favor” in return or recognition as in them letting others know what I did for them etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of doing things for others as a natural expression of kindness, made it a “Depends On” type thing to suit my self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want a “favor” in return or recognition as in them letting others know what I did for them, from doing things for others.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to do things for others as a natural expression of kindness, but has always been; “Depends On”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use Depend On as part of my conversation as in altering their question to suit my answer.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that only real change Depends On the work I put into my process that matters.

When and as I see myself when someone ask me a question as in; “What would I do in this or that situation where instead of giving them a direct, straightforward and to the point answer, I would say “Depends On”, as in trying to alter the situation to suit my answer, I stop and breathe and realize that I am separating myself as in trying to be something/someone that I’m not where I want to give my perceived “right” answer to suit my own self-interest.

I commit myself to when ask what I would do in this or that situation to give a direct, straightforward and to the point answer and no longer beat around the bush per se in trying to alter the situation to suit my perceived “right” answer but to be self-honest with myself when answering the question.

When and as I see myself always wanting to be “right” at/about something or be seen as a person with a cool point of view and be revered as knowledgeable and the one to go to if you have a problem, I stop and breathe as I realize how am I able to help others when I can’t even help myself as in practicing what I preach.

I commit myself to firstly getting to know myself to the point of understanding who I am and how things work before I go and try helping others and once I’ve got me sorted out then I will be able to assist and support others.

When and as I see myself use; “Depends On” for just about everything where anything I did for others or was asked to do was depended on whether or not it was in my best-interest (self-interest) of doing for them, such as getting a “favor” in return or recognition as in them letting others know what I did for them, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am making things all about me as if I need to be motivated to do things for others.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow my self-interest to get in the way of me doing things for other, but instead do things for others as a natural expression of kindness.

I commit myself to doing things for other as a natural expression of kindness.

I commit myself to seeing/realizing/understanding that only real change Depends On the work I put into my process that matters.

Advertisements

About carltontedford

In Process.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s