Day 125: Aftermath

aFTERMATHThere are two (2) things that I notice that I do in the Aftermath of making a mistake, falling or getting in trouble which are; One (1) I tend to look to point out others mistakes as if I need justification to make myself feel better for the mistake I made, where I try and shift the focus off of myself and onto another person. The other is; after the fact (after I’m done beating myself up about it), I have a tendency to think/perceive/believe that everything is “all good” now and I’m “miraculously cured” so to speak and learned my lesson as if that’s it and I’m done or something. Yeah; that part right there is where and when I start to create more problems for myself where I abdicate my responsibility for my own actions in projecting blame onto something or someone else and instead of walking the correction, just because I felt bad in the moment for what I’ve done, doesn’t mean that I am in the clear now. I end up going back into the same mentality that got me into this mess in the first place. Not cool.

In looking back at how I created and started following this pattern, it began when I was a kid where I didn’t want to be the only one to get in trouble so whenever I would get in trouble sometimes, I would point out what others had done, as if that was going to get me off the hook or something. It never worked. And after the punishment everything was all good, sort of like I had a clean slate that is until I got into trouble again. This turned into projecting blame onto others as in them being the fault, reason or cause for me making a mistake, falling or getting into trouble and being that my punishments was “short lived” and I was remorseful, I felt as if; “Ok I learnt my lesson now, can I go out and play” type of thing from my childhood. Still there was no corrective action.

This is one of the main reasons why I didn’t experience any change/growth/development/expansion within myself throughout my life, because whenever I would make a mistake I kept MIS-sing the chance to TAKE responsibility for my actions, so although I became remorseful, I repeated the same mistake over and over again because within the Aftermath was no corrective action.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do two (2) things in the Aftermath of making a mistake, falling or getting into trouble which are; One (1) I tend to look to point out others mistakes as if I need justification to make myself feel better for the mistake I made, where I try and shift the focus off of myself and onto another person. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I need justification to make myself feel better for the mistake I made and within that; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and shift the focus off of myself and onto another person. The other is, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to after the fact (after I’m done beating myself up about it), I have a tendency to think/perceive/believe that everything is “all good” now, and I’m “miraculously cured” so to speak and learned my lesson as if that’s it and I’m done or something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a tendency to think/perceive/believe that everything is ”all good” now, and I’m “miraculously cured” so to speak and learned my lesson as if that’s it and I’m done or something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create more problems for myself where I abdicate my responsibility for my own actions in projecting blame onto something or someone else and instead of walking the correction, just because I felt bad in the moment for what I’ve done, doesn’t mean that I am in the clear now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allow myself to end up going back into the same mentality that got me into this mess in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and start following this pattern when I was a kid of not wanting to be the only one to get in trouble so whenever I would get in trouble sometimes, I would point out what others had done, as if that was going to get me off the hook or something. It never worked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project blame onto others as in them being the fault, reason or cause for me making a mistake, falling or getting into trouble.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to being that my punishment was “short lived” and I was remorseful, I felt as if; “Ok I learnt my lesson now, can I go out and play” type of thing from my childhood. Still there was no corrective action.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that this is one of the main reasons why I don’t experience any change/growth/development/expansion within myself because whenever I make a mistake I keep MIS-sing the chance to TAKE responsibility for my actions, so although I am remorseful, I repeat the same mistake over and over again because within the Aftermath there is no corrective action.

When and as I see myself doing two (2) things in the Aftermath of making a mistake, falling or getting into trouble which are; One (1) I tend to look to point out others mistakes as if I need justification to make myself feel better for the mistake I made, where I try and shift the focus off of myself and onto another person and the other is; after the fact (after I’m done beating myself up about it), I have a tendency to think/perceive/believe that everything is “all good” now and I’m “miraculously cured” so to speak and learned my lesson as if that’s it and I’m done or something, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that this is one of the main reasons why I don’t experience any change/growth/development/expansion within myself because whenever I make a mistake I keep MIS-sing the chance to TAKE responsibility for my actions, so although I am remorseful, I repeat the same mistake over and over again because within the Aftermath there is no corrective action.

I commit myself to when and as I make a mistake, fall or get into trouble to in the Aftermath once I apply forgiveness in walking the point of realization, to apply, walk and live my corrective action for the point as to ensure that I don’t repeat the same thing over and over again but transcend the point in its entirety.

When and as I see myself creating more problems for myself where I abdicate my responsibility for my own actions in projecting blame onto something or someone else and just because I feel bad in the moment for what I’ve done, think that I’m in the clear, I stop and breathe. I realize that this is a pattern that I have created when I was a kid of not wanting to be the only one to get in trouble where I would point out what others had done, thinking that it would get me off the hook, which never worked.

I commit myself to taking responsibility for my own actions, dealing with the consequences and walking/living the corrections.

I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing myself to go back into the same mentality that got me in this mess but instead to walk/live my corrective action to ensure that I don’t.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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