Day 117: Having a Normal Conversation with Others and Being Comfortable

Normal-ConversationsI haven’t ever really been a big talker let alone when around a small group of people or any group for that matter. I mean I did converse with others but for the most part only when I was asked a question or to give my opinion on something, it was never really a back and forth interaction unless it was with a close friend like one (1) or maybe two (2) of them. In a group setting the only way that I would be comfortable with communicating with others was when I was the center of attention and that was back in my “party” days. Still then I couldn’t hold a “normal” conversation with someone without talking about myself or telling someone what they needed to do with their problems. So actually I never really got to know anyone because I didn’t know how to communicate effectively.

As far as being comfortable, I had way too many back chats and judgments about myself to have a normal conversation with others such as thinking what they would think about me if I said this or that as well as the fear of rejection from the perspective of thinking that they wouldn’t want to talk to me or hear what I had to say and when I did talk to others I would search for things to say and would become nervous when I didn’t have anything to say so I stayed away from participating in group conversations or at least kept them to a minimum.

Another thing is, there was no substance to the way I communicated, meaning, the majority of my conversations was about random bullshit and here is where the normal part comes in. Once I started this journey to life, everything changed from the way I saw things to my conversations with others from the perspective of (in the beginning) all I ever talked about was about what I had discovered and as I soon found out, it wasn’t the typical conversation people wanted to discuss and I didn’t know enough to have a discussion with someone so I just “Blabbed off at the mouth” (so to speak) which didn’t go off well with others and so once again the back chat and self-judgments came up. I’ve since then realized and learned the “what’s, when’s, how’s” to communicate about my discoveries with others, which bring me to the point of; “Having a Normal Conversation with Others and Being Comfortable”.

The other day I found myself in somewhat of a group setting where I was working with three (3) other individuals for a few hours and as we were working I felt comfortable for the first time without any extra shit going on in my mind and was able to interact with them and participate and communicate effectively without any self-judgments coming up. Although some back chat attempted to come up but I was able to stop it and apply forgiveness in the moment and continued doing what we were doing and got through that work time with ease. I see/realize/understand that by slowing myself down and breathing I am able to participate and interact with effective communication with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never been a big talker let alone when around a small group of people or any group for that matter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to converse with others but for the most part only when I was asked a question or to give my opinion on something, it was never really a back and forth interaction unless it was with a close friend like one (1) or maybe two (2) of them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in a group setting the only way that I would be comfortable with communicating with others was when I was the center of attention and that was back in my “party” days. Still then I couldn’t hold a normal conversation with someone without talking about myself or telling someone what they needed to do with their problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never really have gotten to know anyone because I didn’t know how to communicate effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as far as being comfortable I had too many back chats and judgments about myself to have a normal conversation with others such as, thinking what they would think about me if I said this or that as well as the fear of rejection from the perspective of thinking that they wouldn’t want to talk to me or hear what I had to say.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have too many back chats and judgments about myself to be able to communicate effectively with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I did talk to others I would search for things to say and would become nervous when I didn’t have anything to say so I stayed away from participating in group conversations or at least kept them to a minimum.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become nervous when I didn’t have anything to say when with or talking to a group of people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself have no substance to the way I communicated meaning, the majority of my conversations was about random bullshit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just “Blab off at the mouth” (so to speak) about what I had discovered to others without really knowing what I was talking about and/or how to discuss what I had discovered.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that in order to participate and interact with effective communication with others I need to slow myself down and breathe.

When and as I see myself not being able to have a normal conversation with others and not being comfortable when in conversation with others, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that I am not accepting and allowing myself to slow myself down and breathe but instead I am accepting and allowing back chat and self-judgment to step in and sabotage myself from being able to communicate effectively with others.

I commit myself to stopping my participation within my mind of back chat and self-judgment by forgiving myself each and every time a thought comes up when and as I am in a conversation with others.

When and as I see myself becoming nervous when I don’t have anything to say when with or talking to a group of people, I stop and breathe and check my starting point for wanting to say something. I see/realize/understand that within that I am accepting and allowing back chat and self-judgment to come up within and as me and by not stopping it in the moment I become nervous.

I commit myself to clearing myself before I enter into any conversation with others so that I am able to communicate effectively and get to know that person or persons as who they really are.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow self-sabotage to hinder me from communicating effectively with other and to stop all back chats/internal conversation and self-judgment towards myself and/or against others when and as I am communicating or about to communicate with them.

Advertisements

About carltontedford

In Process.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s