Day 111: Following Instructions

Following-InstructionsThis is a point that I am walking, the point of Following Instructions, not from the standpoint of rebelling against the instructions, but from the perspective of skimming through the instructions where I would just read part of the instructions and think/perceive/believe that I have it down, then later on when something happens or don’t come out “right” and I start to wonder what happened, is when I realize and said to myself; “Awe man, I should have read the instructions thoroughly, instead of just skimming through them”. It’s like there was a sense of urgency where for some reason it’s like I want to hurry up and get through it/get to it, which was what I perceived to be the cause of me skimming through the instructions in the first place, but looking a bit deeper, the underlying point is, the rush to get through it/get to it was so that I may say or show people what I have done, which then (again) brings up the same point of looking for/expecting praise from others. So when you think that you have something down, that’s an indication that you really don’t for the simple fact that you can only have something down once you’ve completed it and (for me) double checked the instructions to make sure that I have “Done” it correctly.

This original pattern stems from my childhood where I always wanted to prove myself to my older brothers, where I would see them do things and I wanted to do them to, so I created this; “I can do it” attitude and wanted to hurry and show them that I could and whenever they would try and show me how to do it, I would only listen to the main point of what they were saying, then say; “I got it”, “I can do it”, which resulted in nine (9) times out of ten (10) me not having it and couldn’t do it, because I didn’t allow myself to listen to and follow the instructions (thoroughly) that was given to me.

This pattern stuck with me throughout my school years and into my adulthood to where/when I started making music on my own. The reason I say making music is because making music was the only time where/when I would read the instructions thoroughly, as in putting the equipment together and learning how to operate it for a specific task that I had in mind of doing. That, I deduced as being fun, something I wanted to do, so reading, understanding and Following Instructions from that aspect didn’t have any resistance linked to it and was easy (per se).

Thinking too much is the main cause/reason why we are not Following Instructions, and for me, why I would just Skim through the instructions instead of reading the instructions thoroughly and would experience the consequences that came with “just Skimming through” the instructions. So whenever something don’t turn out how we expect it to or something happens and we start to wonder what happened, just know that we “didn’t”/are not Following Instructions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of reading through and Following Instructions, I would Skim through the instructions where I would just read part of the instructions and think/perceive/believe that I have it down, then later on when something happens or don’t come out “right” and I start to wonder what happened, is when I realized and said to myself; “Awe man, I should have read the instructions thoroughly, instead of just skimming through them”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that I have something down without first completing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a sense of urgency where for some reason it’s like I want to hurry up and get through it/get to it, which was what I perceived to be the cause of me skimming through the instructions in the first place, not realizing the underlying point of the rush to get through it/get to it was so that I may say or show people what I have done, which (again) brings up the same point of looking for/expecting praise from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush to get through it/get to it and thus not read the instructions thoroughly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for/expect praise from others when I have done something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my childhood always wanted to prove myself to my older brothers, where I would see them do things and I wanted to do them to, so I created this; “I can do it” attitude.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this; “I can do it” attitude and wanted to hurry and show them (my older brothers) that I could and whenever they would try and show me how to do it, I would only listen to the main point of what they were saying then say; “I got it”, “I can do it”, which resulted in nine (9) times out of (10) me not having it and couldn’t do it because I didn’t allow myself to follow the instructions (thoroughly) that was given to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to whenever they (my older brothers) would show me how to do it, I would only listen to the main point of what they were saying then say; “I got it”, “I can do it”.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that thinking too much is the main cause/reason why I am not Following Instructions as well as why I would just skim through the instructions instead of reading the instructions thoroughly and would experience the consequences that came with “just skimming through” the instructions.

When and as I see myself skimming through the instructions where I would just read part of the instructions and think/perceive/believe that I have it down, I stop and breathe. I realize that later on when something happens or don’t come out “right”, I will start to wonder and say to myself; “Awe man I should have read the instructions thoroughly instead of skimming through them”.

I commit myself to thoroughly reading through and Following Instructions before I start to participate in and/or do what it is that I have set out to do or is tasked to do.

When and as I see myself thinking/perceiving/believing that I have something down without first completing it, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am trying to prove to others that I can do something as in wanting to say or show them what I have done.

I commit myself to first completing something and seeing that it’s done correctly before I say that I have something down.

When and as I see myself having a sense of urgency where I want to hurry up and rush to get through it/get to it, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am looking for/expecting praise from others.

I commit myself to slowing myself down taking a breath and getting through it/getting to it with the full understanding of the instructions and doing it for myself.

When and as I see myself looking for/expecting praise from others when I have done something, I stop and breathe and correct my starting for doing it in the first place. I realize that I should be the point of what I’m doing or have done.

I commit myself to doing things that is self-directed and not as in showing off to others.

When and as I see myself wanting to prove myself to people when I see them do something that I want to do, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am limiting myself into believing that I can’t do it and so I need to prove to someone that I can and use that as a gauge in showing myself that I can which is not having self-trust.

I commit myself to trusting myself, believing and knowing that I am capable and can do whatever it is that I set myself out to do (that is assistive and supportive to self) and doing it without feeling the need to prove anything to anyone.

When and as I see myself thinking too much which reverts in to not Following Instructions, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that thinking too much is the main cause/reason why I am not Following Instructions as well as why I would just Skim through the instructions instead of reading the instructions thoroughly and would experience the consequences that came with “just skimming through” the instructions.

I commit myself to from here no further no longer accept and allow myself to just skim through instructions, but instead to read through them thoroughly and follow the instructions to their exactness.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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