Day 106: “Fronting”

“Fronting” is a slang word used when you are acting like you are more, or you have more than what really exist, A facade, Appearing one way, but really acting another, Misrepresenting yourself.

FrontingIn this post I’m be having a look at the word “Fronting” and how I have throughout my life participated in and became the definitions of this word. Thinking/perceiving/believing I needed to present myself a certain way in order to be accepted and/or revered as someone special, important or famous, not realizing that I had self-acceptance issues. So;

We often present ourselves as something that we aren’t to the world in “hope” that we may be/become this presentation at some point in our lives but until then we “fake it until we make it” so to speak. We will do or say just about anything to keep this illusion alive and before we get caught up in our own illusion of Lies we dismiss ourselves from the person or persons who dare question our presentation.

Throughout my life I have been living a “Front” from the perspective of presenting myself in a “proud” manor. First off, when I was young whenever I was around others I would walk around with my head up in the air and being quiet as in playing off of the “I wonder” emotion of others. This lasted throughout high school and when I left home and saw that how I was (how I grew up) wasn’t acceptable in the social crowds, I started “Fronting” because I wanted to be part of the “In” crowd. I created all types of Lies as in who I was, from (changing) my name to giving myself a whole new background story, so when it came to introducing myself to others, I was somebody else. It got to the point where I started to forget who I was and where I came from. Year after year passed and I continued perpetuating these Lies to the point where I hadn’t seen my family for over four (4) years and when I did finally see them, I was a complete 360 from who I was.

“Fronting” was something that I had gotten used to, it (Fronting) had become second nature to me to where I was really who I said I was and created fictional stories to “prove it”. I was in the “land of the lost” (per se) in which I ended up experiencing being lonely and eventually alone. I didn’t see/realize/understand that I was “Fronting” because I had self-acceptance issue where I didn’t accept who I was (growing up), so I created someone “New” as who I was and ended up not accepting who I had become and became lost as to who I really am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throughout my life have participated in and became the definitions of the word “Fronting”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe I needed to present myself a certain way in order to be accepted and/or revered as someone special, important or famous, not realizing that I had self-acceptance issues.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to present myself as something that I’m not to the world in “hope” that I may be/become this presentation at some point in my life but until then follow the statement of; “fake it until you make it” so to speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do or say just about anything to keep this illusion alive and before I get caught up in my own illusion of Lies, dismiss myself from the person or persons who dare question my presentation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to present myself in a “proud” manor. First off, when I was young whenever I was around others I would walk around with my head up in the air and being quiet as in playing off of the “I wonder” emotion of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I left home and saw how I was (how I grew up) wasn’t acceptable in the social crowds, I started “Fronting” because I wanted to be part of the “In” crowd.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create all types of Lies as in who I was, from (changing) my name to giving myself a whole new background story, so when it came to introducing myself to others, I was someone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let it get to the point where I started to forget who I was and where I came from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get used to “Fronting” to where it (Fronting) had become second nature to me to where I was really who I said I was and created fictional stories to “prove it”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose myself in the “land of the lost” (per se) in which I ended up experiencing being lonely and eventually alone.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I was “Fronting” because I had self-acceptance issues where I didn’t accept who I was (growing up), so I created someone “New” as who I was and ended up not accepting who I had become and became lost as to who I really am.

When and as I see myself participating in and becoming the definitions of the word “Fronting”, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that I am “Fronting” because I have self-acceptance issues where I didn’t accept who I was (growing up), so I created someone “New” as who I am in which I will end up not accepting who I will become because I am lost as to who I really am.

I commit myself to accepting who I was (growing up), who I had become and changing who I have become to who I am as life.

When and as I see myself thinking/perceiving/believing I need to present myself a certain way in order to be accepted and or revered as someone special, important or famous, I stop and breathe and check myself. I realize that I am living in separation from myself and in the service of others perceptions in which I am giving my power away and not directing myself to stand stable as who I really am but wanting to perpetuate a Lie.

I commit myself to standing stable as who I am as life and transcending the point of perpetuating a Lie through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application and living the correction.

When and as I see myself presenting myself in a “proud” manor where I walk around with my head up in the air and being quiet as to play off of the “I wonder” emotion of others, I stop and breathe. I realize that being “proud” won’t change who I was, who I will/have become or lead me to who I am as life but only keep me trapped in my own illusion of lies.

I commit myself to coming down “out the cloud” (per se), accepting my past, continuing my process and getting to who I am as life.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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