Whenever I believed that things weren’t going my way, I would react to it, instead of inquiring as to why things were different or not the way I thought they should be/done. And even the response from someone as to the reasons behind it, I expected to be a certain way and when it wasn’t, I would react once again, as if everyone else should already know how I believe things should be/done. Most of my reactions I held internally which in fact had its effects on me as in “Harboring” suppressed anger do to not voicing myself to the person or persons and coming up with an effective solution (compromise) and/or understanding why things was the way they was. Within this I can see “Lies” and extensive amount of Fear as in, Fearing change, Fearing the response from the person or persons, Fearing voicing myself, Fearing not being understood, Fearing being misunderstood, Fearing that I might lash out (verbally reacting angrily) and Fearing being viewed as a “bad” person if I lashed out at the person or persons as well as backchat/internal conversations.
That’s too much as in the fear I didn’t realized was existent within reacting when things didn’t go my way or the way I thought things should be/done. After the fact when it’s explained and things calm down, you end up feeling “shitty” for reacting in the first placed which could have all been avoided.
What I’ve noticed is most reactions come when the situation/s are the simplest/smallest things that could ever happen, we just make a big deal out of it, which makes one question; “What is really going on” and “Where is this all coming from”? I’ll tell you, being that we have never taken responsibility for situations that has come up from time to time we let things culminate and accumulated within us to the point where we release it at the “wrong” time, then experience the consequential outflow from things We have created through our personal participation in the mind of thoughts/feeling/emotions.
I experienced the difference in not reacting to things where today I came into a place and wanted to plug something into and outlet close to where I was sitting and notice that both was being used by the same person, so instead of reacting internally with backchat/internal conversations, I asked the person could I use one of the outlet and they responded with; “Can you wait five (5) or ten (10) minutes, then I offered a computer charger for their other device which they declined by saying they had one. Normally I would have reacted but I didn’t in anyway, I smiled and said sure of course and started what I was here to do. The difference is by not allowing oneself to go into my mind, I avoided any confrontation and saved myself time as well as not abusing my body which in turn I was able to focus on what I set out to do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react whenever I believed that things weren’t going my way, instead of inquiring as to why things were different or not the way I thought they should be/done.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect the response as to the reasons behind it to be a certain way and when it wasn’t I would react once again, as if everyone else should already know how I believed things should be/done.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that things should be/done my way or a certain way.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that everyone else should already know how I believed things should be/done.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react internally which in fact had its effects on me as in “Harboring” suppressed anger do to not voicing myself to the person or persons.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harbor suppressed anger do to not voicing myself to the person or persons and coming up with an effective solution (compromise) and/or understanding why things was the way they was.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the extensive amount of fear that “Lies within reacting as in, Fearing change, Fearing the response from the person or persons, Fearing voicing myself, Fearing not being understood, Fearing being misunderstood, Fearing that I might lash out (verbally reacting angrily) and Fearing being viewed as a “bad” person if I lashed out at the person or persons.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear change. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear the response from the person or persons. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear voicing myself. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear not being understood. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear being misunderstood. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear that I might lash out (verbally reacting angrily). I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear being viewed as a “bad” person if I lashed out at the person or persons.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that all this Fear comes from resisting the taking of responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed myself to get used to as the who/what I have become in my world and reality and not wanting to go outside my preprogrammed design.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed backchat/internal conversations to come up within and as me whenever I would reacted to things not going or being the way I thought they should be/done or go.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a big deal out of and react to the simplest/smallest things that could ever happen, instead of avoiding them by non-participation in the mind of thoughts/feelings/emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let things culminate and accumulated within me to the point where I released them at the “wrong” time and would then experience the consequential outflow from them.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand by reacting I am creating a confrontation within myself internally and externally with someone else that is a waste of time why’ll abusing my body at the same time which stops me from focusing on what it is that I am/is doing at the time.
When and as I see myself reacting whenever I believe that things aren’t going my way, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand by reacting I am creation confrontation within myself internally and externally with someone else that is a waste of time why’ll abusing my body at the same time which stops me from focusing on what it is that I am/is doing at the time.
I commit myself to instead of reacting to inquire as to why things are different or not the way I thought they should be/done and coming up with an effective solution (compromise) if it is in the best interest of both parties involved but if I see that I am being self-interested, I immediately stop myself, check myself and deal with the difference.
When and as I see myself expecting to hear a certain response from someone, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am being self-centered and self-righteous in thinking that my way should prevail, which in no way will turn out as what is best for both parties involved.
I commit myself to coming down off my “High Horse” so to speak and realizing that everything will not always be the way I think it should be/done so let it go and move forward.
When and as I see myself thinking/perceiving/believing that everyone else should already know how I believe things should be/done, I stop and breathe and tell myself; “Who am I to spite myself in separation from myself as if I am all knowing of everything” and check myself to correction. I realize that I have been existing within and as separation from myself for so long that I forgot that all is me and I them, so in all actuality I am delusional in responding to myself from perceiving I ‘m something/someone else.
I commit myself to no longer separating me from myself, but instead to see and treat others as I would treat myself.
When and as I see myself “Harboring” suppressed anger within and as me, I stop and breathe, I realize at that point of realization I need to do self-introspection in investigating at what point and time did I start to experience this anger coming up within me and go back and transcend each point I find that comes up.
I commit myself to eradicating all suppressed anger that I have been harboring inside myself so that I am able to interact with others in a stable and effective way as to what is best for all.
When and as I see myself reacting do to Fearing change, Fearing the response from the person or persons, Fear or voicing myself, Fear of not being understood, Fear of being misunderstood, Fear that I might lash out (verbally reacting angrily), Fear of being viewed as a “bad” person if I lashed out at the person or persons, I stop and breathe and tell myself; “Hold on that’s too much”. I see/realize/understand that all this Fear comes from resisting the taking of responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed myself to get used to as the who/what I have become in my world and reality and not wanting to go outside my preprogramed design.
I commit myself to standing up from within all my Fears and taking responsibility for who/what I have become in my world and reality by continuing to walk my process and utilizing the tool of writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to get to the bottom of it all as in who/what I have become so that I am able to live life as who I really am as life and what is best for all life.
Carlton's 7 Year Journey to Life 