Day 99: CurveBall

CurveballRight when you think you are getting to a point in your process to where you are able to see your thoughts and stop them, here comes a Curve Ball (a situation) as in saying; “Ok you stopped that well then try this on for size. Meaning the new situation is somewhat of an accumulation to a list of things that we perceived to be interconnected with each other that has happen over a substantially short period of time which brings with it a gang of thoughts that then try and gang up on you in the attempt to overwhelm you and make you react in frustration and eventually say “fuck it” and want to give up. Point being this is the test of our application to see if we are effective in remaining stable in every here moment no matter what. This is not an easy process by any means. I have experienced such a situation a few times.

The mind is persistent in making you believe that the whole world is against you and everyone in your world has it out for you. Earlier today as I was in the midst of my morning routine a situation came about where my morning routine was altered a bit and at that point I went into my mind and started to create and piece together a puzzle of events that I believed was directed towards me by another individual in my world. At that point I felt as if I was being ganged upon by a group of thought that I allowed to relay in my mind. Initially it did overwhelm me as I let it affect my routine to where I started doing and saying thing out of context to my routine which then I experienced a bit of frustration and started to become down, until I realize; “Wait a minute I’ve been down this road before” and started to forgive myself for participating in such thoughts, which wouldn’t just go away , so I am walking this point in investigating how and why I let this happen and correcting my application for when and as such situation comes up again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the whole world is against me and everyone in my world has it out for me, not seeing/realizing/understanding that my world is my creation, so whatever comes up in my world is by my design and is able to be directed/re-directed/altered or changed at any time.

Within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that my world is my creation, so whatever comes up in my world is by my design and I am able to direct/re-direct/alter or change it at any time..

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into my mind and start to create and piece together a puzzle of events that I believed was directed towards me by another individual in my world, from a situation that came up this morning that altered my morning routine a bit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that another individual in my world orchestrated and directed events towards me for me to become overwhelmed by, not realizing that each event was in my means to direct/re-direct/alter or change at any time.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that with each event in my world, I have the power to direct/re-direct/alter or change it to what is best for all which is in turn best for me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that the situation that came up was a test of my application to see if I was effective in remaining stable in every here moment no matter what.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be effective in remaining stable in that here moment no matter what, when that situation came up, but instead accept and allow myself to feel as if I was being ganged upon by a group of thoughts that I allowed to replay in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let a group of thought replay in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel as if I was being ganged upon by a group of thought that I allowed to replay in my mind where I initially let them overwhelm me and affect my routine to where I started doing and saying things out of context to my routine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overwhelmed from the group of thoughts I allowed to replay in my mind and let affect my routine to where I started doing and saying things out of context to my routine which then I experienced a bit of frustration and started to become down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a bit of frustrated and start to become down from the group of thoughts I allowed to replay in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react energetically with the emotion of being overwhelmed then frustration and becoming down when the situation came up, not realizing that I designed this situation to see if I would react to it or not.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to remain stable in every here moment of the situation.

When and as I see myself believing that the whole world is against me and everyone in my world has it out for me, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that my world is my creation, so whatever comes up in my world is by my design and is able to be directed/re-directed/altered or changed at any time.

I commit myself to re-creating my world to what is best for all and taking responsibility for the way it is and what I have created/manifested within it.

When and as I see myself going into my mind and starting to create and piece together a puzzle of events that I believe was directed towards me by another individual in my world, from a situation that came up this morning that altered my morning routine a bit, I stop and breathe. I realize that the only way that any individual in my world can direct events/situations toward me that will affect me is by my acceptances and allowances.

I commit myself to taking responsibility for all events/situations that comes up in my world and no longer try and get out of it by blaming others, but instead to direct/re-direct/alter or change the events in my world if they are not what is best for all.

When and as I see myself feeling as if I am being ganged upon by a group of thoughts that I allow to replay in my mind, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am allowing this to happen and all I have to do to stop it is breathe in every here moment to slow myself down enough to effectively assess the situation and get to the bottom of it.

I commit myself to when and as a situation come up to stop and breathe in every here moment of the situation which in turn will slow myself down so that I am able to assess the situation effectively and get to the bottom of it.

When and as I see myself thinking that I am being overwhelmed and become frustrated and start becoming down, I stop and breathe. I realize that this is my defense mechanism to my emotion that will by any means necessary try and trap me into continuing to listening to and believe in my mind.

I commit myself to stopping my mind of thought/feeling/emotions by any means necessary as in writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application which will assist and support myself in stopping my mind and coming back here.

I commit myself to getting to the point where I remain stable in every here moment no matter what instead of going into my mind of thoughts/feeling/emotions.

Advertisements

About carltontedford

In Process.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s