Day 88: This Is Taking Too Long

To-longThe other day I was at this place and I observed a person come in and stood in line for a really short period of time with two (2) customers in front of them and then began to walk out while saying out loud; “This is taking too long”. What came up was how I have been that exact way at times throughout my life where, if I didn’t get things “fast” enough I would say; “This is taking too long” and leave.

Here are a few incidents that I can remember this happening. In a past relationship I didn’t like to go out and eat much because I thought it took to long for the food to come and would end up saying; “This is taking too long” and get up and leave and when I didn’t leave and the food arrived I would complain about how long it took. The same happened whenever I was out someplace and lost interest in whatever was going on and would say; “This is taking too long” and leave, as if it was taking to long for the fun to start or something. It’s like the idea of going places was cool and all, but when I got there I wanted things done fast or already started so I could walk in and enjoy what I came there for and leave, sort of an instant gratification. I “hated” to wait or did I?

What I didn’t see/realize/understand is that nothing ever takes too long, it’s my self-interest in not getting what I want when I wanted it that is the catalyst to me thinking/perceiving/believing that things are taking too long and/or that I hated waiting. So within this, I have accepted and allowed my mind as ego to step in and interrupt/sabotage quite a few potentially cool times that I could have had in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, if I didn’t get things “fast” enough I would say; “this is taking too long”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I wasn’t getting things fast enough and leave.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought/perceived/believed that this is taking too long from the perspective of not getting what I want when I wanted it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought/perceived/believed that I should get what I want when I wanted it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to leave if I didn’t get what I want when I wanted it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe I didn’t like going out to eat because I thought it would take too long for the food to come and would end up saying; “This takes too long” and get up and leave and when I didn’t leave and the food arrived I would complain about how long it took.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that the food would take too long to come and use that as an excuse to not have to go out and eat or wait.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to complain when the food came because I thought that I didn’t get it “fast” enough, but it was just an excuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose interest in whatever was going on and would say; “This is taking too long” and leave, as if it was taking too long for the fun to start or something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use “This is taking too long” as an excuse to not have to say that I am not interested or have lost interest in whatever was going on and thus leave.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that things should be done fast or already started when I walked in someplace so I could enjoy what I came there for and leave, to have sort of an instant gratification.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe I should have sort of an instant gratification or something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that I hated waiting.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that nothing ever takes too long, it’s my self-interest in not getting what I want when I wanted it that is the catalyst to me thinking/perceiving/believing that things are taking too long and/or that I hated waiting so within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind as ego to step in and interrupt/sabotage quite a few potentially cool times that I could have had in my life.

When and as I see myself thinking/perceiving/believing that this is taking too long, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that nothing ever takes too long, it’s my self-interest in not getting what I want when I wanted it that is the catalyst to me thinking/perceiving/believing that things are taking too long and that I am accepting and allowing my mind as ego to step in and interrupt/sabotage quite a few potentially cool times that I could have had in my life.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow my mind as ego to step in and interrupt/sabotage a potentially cool time in going out and doing things, but instead I will unconditionally go and do things that I deem to be assistive and supportive to my wellbeing as to what is best for all.

When and as I see myself thinking that I didn’t get things “fast” enough, I stop and breathe. I realize that everything is not done according to the time that I think it should be done so I must wait.

I commit myself to utilizing breath in the moments of waiting so that I don’t go into my mind.

When and as I see myself wanting and instant gratification as to getting what I want when I wanted it, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am making things all about me and separating myself from the point of understanding that things take time to get done and then be presented to me.

I commit myself being patience from the perspective of waiting for what it is that I am waiting for and utilizing breath to remain here.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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