Day 82: STOP

In this post I’m having a look at the word Stop and how I have used this word from an emotional energetic and an excuse driven starting point throughout my life and how I have Re-defined this word to assist and support me in stopping my mind when and as a thought, memory, backchat and/or internal conversation come up in my mind.

StopAs far back as I can remember I have used the word Stop at the point of irritation when I thought someone was bothering me on purpose, mainly when I was in the middle of doing something. I would say things like; “Stop, you’re getting on my last nerve” and “Stop bothering me”. I also use the word Stop in association with irritation, but to the point of not wanting to do something, if someone asked, where I would make up an excuse as to why I couldn’t do it and keep it to myself and if they asked more than once after I told them no, I would say; “Stop asking me” and leave it at that.

I’ve also used the word Stop as an excuse where, if I didn’t get my way with someone, I would tell them; “Stop you’re hurting my feelings”. (As if someone can make you feel any certain way). And swear up and down that it’s possible. Another excuse in using the word Stop is when we say; “Stop” to someone why’ll laughing and smiling at them when we really mean; “no don’t’ Stop”. In this instant we are caught in limbo between wanting/having a perceived pleasurable time and being indecisive as to it being the “right” thing to do and/or painful. In any case we leech on to the word out of spite, just because we can and not take into consideration the immense amount of consequences that we have compiled for ourselves throughout our lives. All in using the word Stop.

I hadn’t seen/realized/understood that the word Stop could be supportive to me until I learned that words could be Re-defined and used as sort of a self-help, in changing how, when and where I use the word. So, in having a look at how I have Re-defined the word Stop from and emotional energetic and an excuse driven starting point to being assistive and supportive in my everyday living, instead of using the word after I have reacted to something, I use the word before I react to anything to the point of stopping the thought before I react to it, where throughout my day all day every day, a thought pops up in my head and as soon as I see it I immediately say; “Stop” and the same goes for the backchat which comes up after the thought as well as the internal conversation that comes up when I ask myself a question in my mind and answer it and so the memory that comes up when I see or hear something and my mind begins to collate it with a point in my life where I have experienced or heard something that is comparable to what I have just seen or heard. Now, if the thoughts persist I then apply self-forgiveness in the moment and if they continue, that’s when I take it one step further by investigating the thought through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to get to the source of it all and correct myself, as I see that my thought won’t stop just by saying the word Stop. It takes brutal self-honesty and extreme dedication in applying my applications.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word Stop from and emotional energetic and an excuse driven starting point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word stop at the point of irritation, when I thought someone was bothering me on purpose, mainly when I was in the middle of doing something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say things like; “Stop, you’re getting on my last nerves” and “Stop bothering me” when I thought that someone was bothering me on purpose.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word Stop in association with irritation to the point of not wanting to do something if someone asked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make up an excuse as to why I couldn’t do what someone asked and kept it to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say; “Stop asking me” to someone, if they asked me more than once, after I have told them no.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word Stop as an excuse where, if I didn’t get my way with someone, I would tell them; “Stop you’re hurting my feelings” and swear up and down that it’s possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell someone; “Stop you’re hurting my feelings”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that it was possible for someone to “hurt my feelings”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been on both ends of saying; “Stop” to someone, why’ll laughing and smiling at them, when I really meant; “no don’t Stop”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this, get caught in limbo between wanting/having a perceived pleasurable time and being indecisive as to it being the “right” thing to do and/or painful.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to take into consideration the immense amount of consequences that I would and have compiled for myself throughout my life, that I would have to face.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that by using the word Stop from an emotional energetic and an excuse driven starting point, I am spiting myself but projecting it on to others as to not face and/or hide from the points that is being shown to me about me by others.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself using the word Stop from an emotional energetic and an excuse driven starting point, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that in doing so, I am spiting myself but projecting it on to others as to not face and/or hide from the points that is being shown to me about me by others.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to hide from any point that is being shown to me by others, but instead I will face the points that I don’t want to see and change my starting point in using the word Stop to being a word that assist and support me in stopping my mind and the thoughts that comes up within it.

When and as I see myself wanting to use the word Stop at the point of irritation when I think someone is bothering me on purpose, when I am doing something, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am using being bothered as an excuse to not want to see or hear what someone is trying to show me and/or say to me.

I commit myself to no longer excusing not wanting to see or hear what others have to show me and/or say to me, but instead I will direct the situation to where and when I am able to see what they have to show me and/or say to me.

When and as I see myself getting irritated to the point of not wanting to do something if someone ask, I stop and breathe, I realize that I am accepting and allowing myself to get irritated because I am either being lazy at that point or not wanting to do it because there isn’t anything in it for me.

I commit myself to no longer getting irritated at the point of someone asking me to do something at all and instead I will assess the situation when it comes, as to the importance of it and direct the situation to if, where and when I am able to assist them.

When and as I see myself wanting to use the word Stop as an excuse to get my way with someone, in saying; “Stop you’re hurting my feelings”, I stop and breathe. I realize that it isn’t possible for someone to hurt my feelings unless I give my power away in which I am saying that statement out of self-interest.

I commit myself to stopping my self-interest in the form of giving my power away do to wanting and/or not having things my way.

I commit myself to facing the consequences that I have compiled for myself from using the word Stop from an emotional energetic and an excuse driven starting point and walking through them and Re-defining the word for its continued use of being supportive in stopping my mind.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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