Day 81: Rebellious

In this post I’m having a look at the word Rebellious and how I have lived this word throughout my life with no regards as to why I was rebelling against things.

REBELLIOUSThroughout my life I have been one who would rebel against things in secret where if I didn’t agree with something that I was told, I would keep it to myself and rebel against it when no one was around, why’ll claiming publicly that I am still a part of it. Most of the time I would try and get others to agree with me and if there wasn’t anyone, I would plot against whatever it was that I was rebelling against, not to stop it but to get away and go and try it/do or not do it.

As I look back though, most of my being Rebellious came when I was told to do something like; cleaning up, when I was a child and the things that I couldn’t do that I saw all the other kids in the neighborhood doing, which in return, I built up a form of resentment towards not being able to do what everyone else was doing. I thought that was unfair and would sneak and do them. I figured that as long as no one knew, it was ok to do. Sometimes I got away with it and sometimes I got caught. My reason for silently rebelling was the fear of getting caught and the consequence that would follow. It’s interesting how whenever I was told the words “Don’t, Can’t, No and Stop” in doing something, I would most of the times end up doing whatever it was that I was told not to do and not do what I was told to do in a kind of reverse fashion. When I became of age, it was all downhill from there (so to speak).

Once I left home, I felt that that was the end of being rebellious. Boy was I wrong. It was only the beginning. I started to rebel against any and everything. When I learned about political correctness, I almost instantly rebelled. I became the most politically incorrect person you’ll meet. I began to take everything out of context on purpose, just to see the look on someone’s face. Things began to not matter as much to me. I mean what’s the point if it didn’t suit my best interest (self-interest), I would rebel against it.

Then came experiencing rebellion as resistance to where, when things became repetitive and old to me, I knew then, it was time for a change, to which shortly thereafter, I started my process and that’s when I learned that rebellious = resistance. In my case it is resisting changing, which is a point that I am faced with every day when I get up in the mornings. What I’ve learned is that, in sticking with it and pushing through the resistance, it becomes easier and easier to break the pattern that I created for myself of rebelling against any and everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly rebel against things when no one was around, why’ll claiming publicly that I was still a part of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I couldn’t get anyone to rebel with me, I would plot against what I was told not to do just to get away and go and try it/do or not do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build up a form of resentment towards not being able to do what everyone else was doing when I was a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be rebellious in rebelling against whenever I was told the words “Don’t, Can’t, No and Stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to begin to rebel to the point of taking everything out of context on purpose, just to see the look on someone’s face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rebel against things that didn’t suit my best interest (self-interest).

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that rebellious = resistance and that I am resisting changing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a pattern for myself of rebelling against any and everything.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself being rebellious and wanting to rebel against any and everything, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that rebellious = resistance and that I am resisting changing.

I commit myself to stopping my resistance to changing and continue changing myself from a rebellious nature into being relentless in nature towards my process by pushing through any point of resistance and investigating through writing self-forgiveness and self-corrective application each point in its specificity that comes up within and as me that I resist facing and correct my application.

When and as I see myself holding on to any resentment that I had when I was a child and the memory of not being able to do what everyone else was doing, I stop and breathe. I realize that my childhood is long gone and I should let go of the memory unconditionally and focus on the present.

I commit myself to utilizing breathe in every moment to remain here and not accept and allow myself to go into my mind and re-live a memory from my past.

When and as I see myself wanting to rebel because things that don’t suit my best interest (self-interest), I stop and breathe, I see/realize/understand that if my best interest is in aligned to what is best for all life then, anything that is opposed to that should be rebelled against.

I commit myself to only rebelling against things that are opposed to what is best for all life.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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