Day 77: Rebuttal

In this post, I’m having a look at the word Rebuttal in seeing how I have lived this word throughout my life and correct myself to living what is best for all life.

rebuttalBecause of how I was raised, my life has been a living rebuttal where I would contradict anything apart from what I had been taught and grew up to believe. There have been plenty of times in which I would engage into a debate with anyone who had questions or didn’t speak as to what I thought was the truth.

That being said, I could be shown proof of something and start to “nitpick” and analyze each part of it in trying to find the inconsistency in it, so that I can come up with an excuse to not change myself and my belief system. Although for the most part I became a bit sketchy in what I was taught to believe, I stuck to it because for one, I was scared to change and two, there was nothing out there at the time that made any kind of sense to me enough for me to want to change. I was in denial.

Continuing on, when I left home and went into the military, I started to see things differently in looking at the world where I started feeling a sense of rebutting against what I was taught to believe. But yet and still when given the chance I would engage into a debate with anyone who had anything to say differently than what I was taught to believe. I would come up with a convincing argument and rebuttal to anything they had to say even when I was absolutely “wrong”.

This continued into my adulthood and my investigation (Now, at that time) in finding out the real truth in what was/is really going on in this world and my self-questioning of who am I and how did all of this happen. I became so use to having a rebuttal for everything, that I started rebutting myself in having internal conversations in my mind and within that; not be able to maintain a relationship, because I was too busy in my mind coming up with a rebuttal for everything that was talked about in my conversations with the other person. For example, someone could say; “The sky is blue” and I would rebut that by saying; “No the sky is baby blue”. I couldn’t just have a normal conversation with another person, it always had to be a point that I challenged within it for “no apparent reason”. So the point of rebuttal has been engrained in me as far back as I can remember to the detriment of not being able to live my life to my utmost potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my life in and as rebuttal where I would contradict anything apart from what I had been taught to believe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that what I was taught was the only truth and using it as a rebuttal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to engage into a debate with anyone who had questions or didn’t speak as to what I thought was the truth just to be able to rebut against them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when shown proof of something, start to “nitpick” and analyze each part of it in trying to find the inconsistency in it, so that I can come up with an excuse to not change myself and my belief system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that I need to come up with and excuse to not change myself and my belief system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to change myself and my belief system because I was too scared to go outside of my little bubble, although for the most part I became a bit sketchy in what I was taught to believe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in denial as to what I was taught to believe to be the truth or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to although I started felling a sense of rebutting against what I was taught to believe, yet and still when given the chance I would engage into a debate with anyone who had anything to say differently than what I was taught to believe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to engage into debate with anyone who had anything to say differently than what I was taught to believe, thinking (At that point) that I had to maintain the front of being “right”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I had to maintain a “front” of being “right” (At that point), instead of investigating for myself what the real truth is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to (At that point) not investigate for myself what the real truth is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come up with a convincing argument and rebuttal to anything that anyone had to say even when I was absolutely “wrong”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become so use to having a rebuttal for everything, that I started rebutting myself in having internal conversations in my mind and within that; not be able to maintain a relationship, because I was too busy in my mind coming up with a rebuttal for everything that was talked about in my conversations with the other person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rebut myself in having internal conversations in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be able to maintain a relationship with another person, because I was too busy in my mind coming up with a rebuttal for everything that was talked about in my conversations with the other person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be able to have a normal conversation with another person, it always had to be a point that I challenged within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for a point to challenge in every conversation that I’ve had with others.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that by living my life in and as rebuttal, I have created and environment for myself of seclusion where I wasn’t willing to let go of my past belief system and be open to changing myself and thus being able to express myself and live life to my utmost potential.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself wanting to have a rebuttal against something or what someone has said, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that by living my life in and as rebuttal, I have created and environment for myself of seclusion where I wasn’t willing to let go of my past belief system and be open to changing myself and thus being able to express myself and live life to my utmost potential.

I commit myself to no longer rebutting against the things that people say, but instead I will listen to and investigate the things that people say and keep that which is good, as I see/realize/understand that I am not all knowing and is not the controller or judge in other peoples process.

I commit myself to no longer engaging into a debate with other at all from the stand point of challenging them or just to rebut them, but instead I will have a normal conversation with others and only if asked about my process in specificity I will respond as to the points I’ve walked through.

I commit myself to no longer “nitpick” or analyze any part of what someone else has to say, but instead I will leave the “nitpicking” for my self-introspection in investigating self to find the cause/reason why I have become what I am.

I commit myself to stopping my mind from rebutting itself in having internal conversations as I see/realize/understand that I have engrained having a rebuttal to everything as an excuse to not change myself and as such I commit myself to bursting all of my little bubbles in which I hide in whenever I am faced with facing myself and changing.

I commit myself to changing my relationships with others from a point of wanting to challenge what they have to say and rebutting against it to listening and conversing as I am conversing with myself.

About carltontedford

In Process.
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