Day 76: Changing My Routine/Process When Others Come Around

Changing My routineprocess when othersare aroundI have been following a routine/process when I get up in the mornings for a why’ll and pretty much sticking to it. What happen when someone else comes into the equation is; I become tense and momentarily lose track of what I’m doing, finding myself having to go back over things that I didn’t do correctly which takes up a considerable amount of my time from doing something else.

I have a friend who is in town for a few days and stayed at my place last night in which he came in a hour or so before my wake up time every morning, so I had to get up an hour or so earlier this morning and ended up staying up and talking and once my regular awake time came around, I sort of became “stage fright” (per se) to where I became nervous because as I was doing my routine/process there was no privacy which I am use to. I had to change from the perspective of having to speak to myself in interacting with the things around me in my mind why’ll talking to them at the same time which is a different experience then what I am use to. Normally I would wait for someone to leave and then continue where I left off in my routine/process, but in this case my friend wasn’t going anywhere any time soon, so I had to continue through with my morning routine/process. What was going through my mind was; “What if they hear me talking to myself” and “What if they find out that I am doing this and that and go back and tell someone else”.

Obviously I got through it, but within this the points that came up was; who am I in relation to my friend? What is our relationship based off of? Why am I feeling this way around them? What am I trying to hide? And why did I become tense? What it all sums up to is investigating why it is that I think I need to be secretive about my self-realizations and the changing of myself. The surface point is thinking/perceiving/believing that they won’t like me and not want to come around anymore which comes in the form of “seeking attention”, but the underlining point in this is a question that I must ask myself, which is; “If I can’t stick to my routine/process in all self-honesty and broadcast it to the world (Whomever is around in the moment), how will I be able to transform myself from what I have become to who I am as life and assist and support others in doing the same? It becomes useless and just all lip service. (Knowledge and Information with No correction is abusive to my physical body), which is me fucking with myself immensely and not realizing that I am doing so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change my routine/process when others come around instead of sticking to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become tense and momentarily lose track of what I’m doing and find myself having to go back over things that I didn’t do correctly when someone else come into the equation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take up a considerable amount of time from doing something else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sort of become “stage fright” (per se) to where I became nervous because as I was doing my routine/process there was no privacy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I need privacy to do my routine/process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience momentary confusion when I thought I had to change my routine/process from the perspective of having to speak to myself in interacting with the things around me in my mind why’ll talking to them at the same time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to normally think that I should wait for someone to leave and then continue where I left off in my routine/process, instead of continuing in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed thoughts to come up my mind of; “What if they hear me talking to myself” and “What if they find out that I am doing this and that and go back and tell someone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it doesn’t matter if they hear me talking to myself. This is my routine/process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it doesn’t matter if they find out that I’m doing this or that. This is my process and if they go back and tell someone else that’s fine to because no one else can walk my routine/process for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to momentarily give my power away to these thoughts in which I believed to be real and reacted to them by becoming tense, “stage fright” and nervous.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react energetically with an emotion of becoming tense, having “stage fright” and becoming nervous.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize and investigate until now the points that came up within this which was; who am I in relation to my friend? What is our relationship based off of? Why am I feeling this way around them? What am I trying to hide? And why did I become so tense?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that no one is able to hinder my process accept me in giving credence to what “friends” think/perceive/believe about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that, I have been basing our relationship off of past memories that we shared in which I was a total different being and creating an negative outflow in assuming that they will view/look at me different because I don’t act or react in the ways that I used to in situations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that there is nothing to hide, it is my accepting and allowing myself to follow my thoughts around in my mind and believing them to be real and thus I react to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I became tense in the moment of confusion and became confused because I let my mind go haywire with the momentary question of; “what do I do now” instead of stopping myself and taking a breath which would have put everything into the correct perspective.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand the underlining point in being a question that I must ask myself, which is; “If I can’t stick to my routine/process in all self-honesty and broadcast it to the world (Whomever is around in the moment), how will I be able to transform myself from what I have become to who I am as life and assist and support others to doing the same?

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that by changing my routine/process when others come around, I am not being self-honest with myself in my process of becoming life and folding when it comes to the point of broadcasting it to the world in moments that I am not able to be alone and in the midst of doing my routine/process, which is a form of giving in to and throwing myself back into a past state of being/construct to have to walk through again.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself changing my routine/process when others come around, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that by changing my routine/process when others come around, I am not being self-honest with myself in my process of becoming life and folding when it comes to the point of broadcasting it to the world in moments that I am not able to be alone and in the midst of doing my routine/process, which is a form of giving in to and throwing myself back into a past state of being/construct to have to walk through again.

I commit myself to being self-honest and staying true to my routine/process no matter who comes around and no longer accept and allow myself to give in to and throw myself back into a past state of being/construct, but instead stop myself in the moment, utilize breath to slow myself down and bring myself back to my routine/process which will put everything into the correct perspective and continue on with my routine/process as to not lose a considerable amount of time.

I commit myself to no longer being “stage fright” (per se) and nervous because I have no privacy, but instead I will continue with my routine/process seeing that having “no privacy” is an excuse that I gave myself in resisting doing my routine/process.

I commit myself to no longer use being momentarily confused as an excuse, but to breath when and as the thought of being confused come up within and as me as I see/realize/understand that the mind comes up with thoughts for me to latch on to in moments of the slightest doubt that comes up within and as me, so to not be unplugged but to remain as directive principle.

I commit myself to stopping my mind and taking back my power within being the directive principle in my world and reality.

I commit myself to no longer giving power to the thoughts in my mind which would have me to separate me from myself in give light in thinking about what others think about me in my routine/process, but instead seeing/realizing/understand that no one can walk my routine/process for me, I will continue walking my routine/process without these thoughts being a distraction.

I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing myself to react energetically with an emotion of becoming tense, having “stage fright” and becoming nervous, but instead when and as I start to feel any reactions coming on, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that reacting is useless do to the fact that I still will have to finish my routine/process. I am just making it harder to build and maintain a consistency in process in which I am able to see the change in my self-correction and corrective living applications.

I commit myself to investigating all my relationships and my starting point from within it.

I commit myself to sticking to my routine/process in all self-honesty and broadcasting it to the world (whomever is around in the moment) so that I am able to transform myself from what I have become to who I am as life.

Advertisements

About carltontedford

In Process.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Day 76: Changing My Routine/Process When Others Come Around

  1. Thanks for sharing Carlton I can relate to this point in the morning when others are around and even have manifested the tension within my physical body through the years as tightening up particular muscles that I need to walk back in specifity.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s