Day 70: Checking Myself Out

Checking-myself-outIt seems as if I am following a pattern of every time I walk passed a mirror, I check myself out. It could be viewed as a normal thing, but what I notice myself doing is, when I look in the mirror, I turn on a character and make a face to see if I look cool, which is my way of questioning myself as to see if everything is ok. As if something is “wrong”.

As far back as I can remember this has been my normal way of doing things. What I found as the reason why I do this is; I am still in the service of others and not for myself. Meaning; I’m still looking at myself as in wanting/seeking attention from others and saying; “Maybe others will take notice and think I’m cool and will want to be around me”. All of this take place with one glance in the mirror and once I catch myself it’s too late because the damage is already done so to speak.

I fail to see/realize/understand how in that split second of looking in the mirror, I am accepting and allowing myself to have to go back and transcend the same point of wanting/seeking attention from others again and not seeing/realizing/understanding that this is another layer within the same point and just because I did my writings, applied self-forgiveness and my self-commitment statements for it, doesn’t mean that I am through that point. It means that I’ve just opened up the point which is multi-layered/Dimensional. Within this, I see that I have more work to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow a pattern of every time I walk passed a mirror, I check myself out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I look in the mirror, I turn on a character and make a face to see if I look cool, which is my way of questioning myself as to see if everything is ok. As if something is “wrong”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as far back as I can remember see this as my normal way of doing things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, what I found as the reason why I do this is; I am still in the service of others and not myself. Meaning; I’m still looking at myself as in wanting/seeking attention from others and saying; “Maybe others will take notice and think I’m cool and will want to be around me”.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand how in that split second of looking in the mirror, I am accepting and allowing myself to have to go back and transcend the same point of wanting/seeking attention from others again and not seeing/realizing/understanding that this is one layer within the same point and just because I did my writings, applied self-forgiveness and my self-commitment statements for it, doesn’t mean that I am through that point. It means that I’ve just opened up the point which is multi-layered/Dimensional.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself checking myself out every time I pass a mirror, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand how in that spit second of looking in the mirror, I am accepting and allowing myself to have to go back and transcend the same point of wanting/seeking attention from others again and I see/realize/understand that this is one layer within the same point and just because I did my writings, applied self-forgiveness and self-commitment statements for it, doesn’t mean that I am through that point. It means that I’ve just opened up the point which is multi-layered/Dimensional.

I commit myself to when and as I happen to pass a mirror and glance in it, to no longer go into my mind in the service of others in wanting/seeking attention from others, but instead if needed I will correct my expression if and as I find myself reacting to seeing myself in the mirror.

I commit myself to no longer want/seek attention from other and to continue to investigate this point in looking for more layers to uncover and transcend, so that I am able to completely walk through this point, transcending every layer/Dimension within it.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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