Day 64: Watching a Movie Vs. Watching the Desteni Material

When it comes to watching a movie, I stay awake throughout the entire movie most of the time. When it comes to watching some of the Desteni material what happens is, I start blinking my eyes excessively then I end up falling asleep. After this had happen a few times I decided to test it and see if my realization was correct. Sure enough it was.

I remember when I was growing up every time we would go to church I would fall asleep during the service. I took that as it being something that I didn’t want to hear because everything that was talked about had to do with fear. Then during my teenage years in high school, if it was a subject that I didn’t like I would fall asleep during the class. I experienced some what of the same thing when I was in the military as well as to when I was in boot camp we would have to go to these long classes and listen to a guy talk for more than an hour each time and I would fall asleep.

What I see in all of these instants is if it was/is something that I didn’t enjoy doing I would shut down. To put it in process terms, my mind would only stay active if what I was seeing and hearing was based on my own personal self-interest of being happy and having “fun”, other than that it would shut down interestingly enough only for the moments that I had to endure what I had classified as boring.

Back then I didn’t know about resistance or being able to use resistance as a tool to check and see the things in my world that I had to change. I just believed that I was tired for a moment and then I was ok. I would tell myself and others; “I just needed a Cat Nap”.

Now, what I see is that within my process I am experiencing resistance to watching some of the Desteni material because it is not something based on my own personal self-interest but personal self-help in pointing out what I have based my life on as my own personal self-interest. So within this, I see/realize/understand how and why I have made it so hard for me to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall asleep when I watch some of the Desteni material but not when I watch a movie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind to shutting down by; starting with blinking my eyes excessively then end up falling asleep when I am watching some of the Desteni material.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as I was growing up, fall asleep whenever I would see or hear something that I didn’t like or had to listen to someone speak for more than an hour in which I would classify as boring.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind to only stay active if what I was seeing or hearing was based on my own personal self-interest of being happy and having fun.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize back then resistance and being able to use resistance as a tool to check and see the things in my world that I had to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was just tired for a moment and then I was ok.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself and others; “I just needed a Cat Nap” because I believed that I was tired just for a moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within my process experience resistance to watching some of the Desteni material because it is not something based on my own personal self-interest.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that, I am falling asleep to watching some of the Desteni material because within the material is personal self-help in pointing out what I have based my life on as my own personal self-interest and within this, I have made it hard for me to change.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself falling asleep to watching some of the Desteni material, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that I am experiencing resistance to watching some of the Desteni material because within the material is personal self-help in pointing out what I have based my life on as my own personal self-interest and within this, I have made it hard for me to change.

I commit myself to no longer falling asleep as I am watching some of the Desteni material, but instead when and as I start to feel resistance as to blinking my eyes excessively, I will stop myself and stand up or go get a drink of water and or wash my face with water to alert myself that I am resisting a point that I need to listen to, take notice of and correct and change within myself my world and reality.

About carltontedford

In Process.
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2 Responses to Day 64: Watching a Movie Vs. Watching the Desteni Material

  1. thank you for this space Carlton – cool process here, keep it up!

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