Day 63: Automated Self

I have been one who whenever I see or hear something in my world and reality a memory will come up in my mind of something that I’ve been through in relations to what I just saw or heard. This is what I call, automated self because, I would re-live/play out that memory in my mind again as if I was in the act of participating in it in the moment. What happens then is, I try and trick myself by excusing my automated self with; “Well as long as I don’t react to it” thinking that it’s ok, but in fact it isn’t because by re-living the memory that came up I am placing myself back into whatever mindset that I was in when the situation occurred in my life in which I have attached a negative or positive emotion or feeling reaction to it. Another point that comes up as my automated self that I noticed is in assuming. For example, my phone can beep and I automatically assume that it’s someone calling me and that it has something to do with fulfilling my wants/needs/desires. The problem with this is that nine times out of ten I’m wrong and then I would find myself reacting to what I built up as hope within and as me. Although there are plenty more (Automated Self) existent within and as me in each case (realizing that it my pre-programed design), what I fail to see/realize/understand is that within this automation of self lies, separating me from myself, self-deceit, self-distrust and self-manipulation which all acuminates in self-dishonesty and I need to be more self-intimate with myself and do more self-introspection to get to the root cause of my automated self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow my automated self, thinking/perceiving/believing that this is who I am, instead of stopping myself when and as I see or hear something in my world and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let a memory come up of something that I’ve been through in relations to what I just saw or heard.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to re-live/play out that memory in my mind again as if I was in the act of participating in it in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and trick myself by excusing my automated self with; “Well as long as I don’t react to it” thinking that it’s ok.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within re-living the memory that came up, I am placing myself back into whatever mindset that I was in when the situation occurred in my life in which I have attached a negative or positive emotion or feeling reaction to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume as an automated self to as an example, my phone can beep and I automatically assume that it’s someone calling me and that it has something to do with fulfilling my wants/needs/desires.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my wants/needs/desires to be attached to my automated self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to what I built up as hope within and as me when I am wrong about my assumptions.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that within this automation of self lies, separating me from myself, self-deceit, self-distrust and self-manipulation which all acuminates in self-dishonesty and I need to be more self-intimate with myself and do more self-introspection to get to the root cause of my automated self.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself following my automated self, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that within this automation of self lies, separating me from myself, self-deceit, self-distrust and self-manipulation which all acuminates in self-dishonesty and I need to be more self-intimate with myself and do more self-introspection to get to the root cause of my automated self.

I commit myself to no longer following my automated self when and as I see or hear something in my world and reality, but instead I will take a breath to bring myself back here and not accept and allow a memory from the past to come up within and as me that causes me to react with either a negative or positive energetic emotion or feeling reaction.

I commit myself to no longer assume, as an “automated self” to where if my phone beeps I automatically assume that someone is calling me and that it has something to do with fulfilling my wants/needs/desires, but instead whenever I hear my phone beep I will take a breath and not rush into assumptions and if I am in the midst of doing something I will stay focused on what I am doing until I have a moment to check my phone.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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