Day 60: Taking Too Much On

Taking-too-much-onThroughout my life for the most part I have been one who has always said yes to family members and friends in need of help to the point sometimes of not being able to take care of myself. Within this, when conflict arose I put the blame on everyone else except me. I would say to myself; “How could I be the problem when I am the one who is taking care of everyone”. Not realizing that by not being honest about what I was and wasn’t able to do, I built up a false sense of reliability in the minds of others that was misleading to where I was assuming to be dependable but in fact I wasn’t because I couldn’t rely on myself and was still dependent on that something to take care of me which was just enough for me most of the time. That being said I have created and followed a pattern of even when I didn’t have anything to help with or being the last that I had, I would say yes or make a pre-promise that I could or would be able to help.

When or if it didn’t work out I was left there stuck “Holding the bag” per se. Using lie after lie hoping to cover up the truth that I either couldn’t help or wouldn’t be able to at that time. At the same time when I told someone that I would do something to help them or be somewhere at a certain time on a specific date, I left it to chance when all I had to do was to be honest. I didn’t see/realize/understand that in the act of taking too much on I am manifesting friction/conflict between myself and the other person which creates consequences that I would inevitably have to face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throughout my life have been one who has always said yes to family members and friends in need of help to the point sometimes of not being able to take care of myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this, when conflict arose I put the blame on everyone else except me. I would say to myself; “How could I be the problem when I am the one who is taking care of everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say to myself; “How could I be the problem when I am the one who is taking care of everyone”. Not realizing that by not being honest about what I was and wasn’t able to do, I built up a false sense of reliability in the minds of others that was misleading to where I was assuming to be dependable but in fact I wasn’t because I couldn’t rely on myself and was still dependent on that something to take care of me which was just enough for me most of the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that by not being honest about what I was and wasn’t able to do, I built up a false sense of reliability in the minds of others that was misleading because I couldn’t rely on myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be assuming to be dependable when in fact I wasn’t because I was still dependent on that something to take care of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and follow a pattern of even when I didn’t have anything to help with or being the last that I had, I would say yes or make a pre-promise that I could or would be able to help.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use lie after lie hoping to cover up the truth that I either couldn’t help or wouldn’t be able to at that time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to at the same time when I told someone that I would do something to help them or be somewhere at a certain time on a specific date, I left it up to chance instead of being honest.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that in the act of taking too much on I am manifesting friction/conflict between myself and the other person which creates consequences that I would inevitably have to face.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself taking too much on as far as helping family members and friend to the point of not being able to take care of myself, I stop and breathe. I realize that in the act of taking too much on I am not being honest about what I am able and enable to do which is building up a false sense of reliability in the minds of others that is misleading to where I am assuming to be dependable but I’m not because I am still dependent on that something to take care of me. Meaning I can’t rely on myself. Within this I also see/realize/understand that I am manifesting friction/conflict between myself and the other person which creates consequences that I would inevitably have to face.

I commit myself to no longer taking too much on, but instead I will be self-honest to myself and straight forward to others in telling them what I can and can’t do.

I commit myself to no longer leaving things up to chance when it comes to telling someone that I would do something to help them or be somewhere at a certain time on a specific date, but instead I will tell them exactly how it is in whether I am able to make it on a specific day or not and if I can or can’t help them.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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