Day 55: Lacking Consistency

LACKING-CONSISTENCYI have found in my process that I lack consistency. The lack of consistency comes at any moment, at the moment when you least expect it but realize it. Meaning you know exactly what you’re doing no if’s, and’s or but’s about it, that’s when our silence becomes the excuse and although we may continue throughout our day taking care of parts of our responsibilities, there is no profound progress being made in regards to our process because for the most part, the main parts such as our daily writing and applying self-forgiveness in the moment and living breath by breath in every moment, we somehow forget (as an excuse). Then at the last minute we try and search for inspiration that doesn’t come because momentarily we’ve separated ourselves from our mind giving directive principle to it. Then we tell ourselves; “It’s ok, I can just write about it and do my self-forgiveness and everything will be ok”. That’s not always the case. What I fail to realize is that in doing so, I am prolonging my process by fucking with myself, which makes it that much harder for me to walk through and transcend the point that I was currently working on at the time. I didn’t see/realize/understand that by lacking consistency I am remaining stagnated within my process we’re I would do it sometimes and other time I would slow down almost to a halt why’ll looking for the same outcome in some way or another. I have to stop doing that if I am expecting to change. Only I can change myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be found lacking consistency.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the lack of consistency comes at any moment, at the moment when I least expect it but realize it. Meaning I know exactly what I’m doing no if’s, and’s or but’s about it, that’s when my silence becomes the excuse and although I may continue throughout my day taking care of parts of my responsibilities, there is no profound progress being made in regards to my process because for the most part, the main parts such as my daily writing and applying self-forgiveness in the moment and living breath by breath in every moment, I somehow forget (as an excuse). Then at the last minute, I try and search for inspiration that doesn’t come because momentarily I’ve separated myself from my mind giving directive principle to it. Then I tell myself; “It’s ok, I can just write about it and do my self-forgiveness and everything will be ok”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my silence as an excuse for not being consistent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue throughout my day taking care of parts of my responsibilities with no profound progress being made in regards to my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to somehow forget (as an excuse) the main parts of my process, such as my daily writing and applying self-forgiveness in the moment and living breath by breath in every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to at the last minute, I try and search for inspiration that doesn’t come because momentarily I’ve separated myself from my mind giving directive principle to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself; “It’s ok, I can just write about it and do my self-forgiveness and everything will be ok”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in doing so, I am prolonging my process by fucking with myself, which makes it that much harder for me to walk through and transcend the point that I was currently working on at the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make it that much harder for me to walk through and transcend the point that I was currently working on at the time.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that by lacking consistency I am remaining stagnated within my process we’re I would do it sometimes and other times I would slow down almost to a halt why’ll looking for the same outcome in some way or another.

Only I can change myself.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself lacking consistency, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that by lacking consistency I am remaining stagnated within my process we’re I would do it sometimes and other times I would slow down almost to a halt why’ll looking for the same outcome in some way or another.

I commit myself to being more consistent within my process and no longer accept and allow the excuse of silence and somehow forgetting as a trigger to stagnate and bring almost to a halt my process, but instead, I will take my time and become more self-honest in seeing that my consistency is fading so and to stop and breathe and investigate the points that are triggers for me to lack consistency.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself thinking that it’s ok, I can just write about it and do my self-forgiveness and everything will be ok, I stop and breathe. I realize that it’s not ok and I am prolonging my process by fucking with myself, which makes it harder for me to walk through and transcend the point that I am currently working on at the time.

I commit myself to no longer thinking that it’s ok, I can just write about it and do my self-forgiveness and everything will be ok, but instead I will stick with my process and maintain the consistent pace in which I have designed for myself to follow.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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