Day 41: Why Me?

I’ve asked myself the question, “Why Me”? Let’s see. Since I can remember I experienced being unsettled. Meaning; Things to me didn’t make much sense how, I would be told one thing and would see another thing being done by those that mattered in my life. I tried to follow their instructions to the “T” but I still couldn’t comprehend what they were saying, and when the events they said would take place didn’t, I wondered what was going on. It was a structured way of living. Being raised this way, I’ve always felt isolated and exclude from others and or the group. I believed that I would have to just figure it out on my own. And so began what I called my knowledge quest. During my life I set myself apart from others believing that I was “special” and existed to do something great like, making an impact in the lives of others. Although I got along well with other I was still alone in a since. I begin to think that no one cared about me or understood me, so all of my relationships were short lived. I could only be around others for so long until I wanted to go and be alone. Instead of getting to know and accepting others for who they are, I would sabotage my relationship with them in some way or another and justify it by telling myself; “Oh well, someday they’ll realize that I was cool and come back and be my friend again” and “they don’t care about me anyway”. This is how my life has been. I didn’t realize how I was sabotaging my own life in being scared of facing myself in others. So, “Why Me”? Because I was preparing myself for the process that I am currently walking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to since I can remember experience being unsettled. Meaning; Things to me didn’t make much sense how, I would be told one thing and would see another thing being done by those that mattered in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to follow others instructions to the “T” but I still couldn’t comprehend what they were saying, and when the events they said would take place didn’t, I wondered what was going on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow others instructions although I still couldn’t comprehend what they were saying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wonder what was going on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel isolated and excluded from others and or the group.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I would have to just figure it out on my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to during my life I set myself apart from others believing that I was “special” and existed to do something great like, make an impact in the lives of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, although I got along well with others I was still alone in a since.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that no one cares about me or understand me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I could only be around others for so long until I wanted to go and be alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, instead of getting to know and accepting others for who they are, I would sabotage my relationship with them in some way or another and justify it by telling myself; “Oh well, someday they’ll realize that I was cool and come back and be my friend again” and “they don’t care about me anyway”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my sabotaging of my relationships with others by telling myself; “Oh well, someday they’ll realize that I was cool and come back and be my friend again” and “they don’t care about me anyway”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my own life by being scared of facing myself in others.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that by asking myself the question, “Why Me”? I am accepting and allowing myself to staying within the limitations of the way I was raised, which I followed throughout my life in feeling isolated and excluded from others and or the group.

When and as I see myself asking myself the question, “Why Me”? I stop and breathe. I realized that by asking myself the question, “Why Me”? I am accepting and allowing myself to stay within the limitations of the way I was raised, which I followed throughout my life in feeling isolated and excluded from others and or the group.

I commit myself to no longer feeling isolated and excluded from others and or the group, but instead I will get to know and accept others for who they are in there process.

I commit myself to no longer experiencing being unsettled, but instead I will use common sense in getting to know who I am and removing the limitations I have placed on myself.

I commit myself to no longer wonder what was going on, but to be the change.

I commit myself to no longer set myself apart from others believing that I was “special and existed to do something great, but instead I will get to know who I am as life, so that I am able to assist and support others in there process.

I commit myself to standing in every moment as who I am in self-honesty, self-trust, self-expression, self-forgiveness and self-application.

I commit myself to no longer sabotage my own life by being scared of facing myself in other, but instead I will face myself as what I have become so that I am able to face others as me.

Advertisements

About carltontedford

In Process.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s