Day 28: A Quick Spiteful Moment

I observed myself in the midst of a quick spiteful moment, which I justified by having a “valid” excuse for being spiteful. I was working with a friend on a project that he knows more about than me. He had asked me to leave something a certain way until otherwise notified. After a period of time I took it upon myself to change it. The next morning when he came in, he saw the changes I made and corrected me by telling me to not change it again until he tells me to. I said ok and walked away. Later on after work he called my phone and I didn’t answer or respond to his phone call till the next day. My justification for not answering his phone call was; In my mind I told myself, I wanted to somehow get back at him for correcting me earlier that day, so I didn’t answer his phone call. This has been my way of getting back at someone, by doing little useless things justifying it to myself as having a “valid” excuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify a quick spiteful moment by having a “valid” excuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that no excuse is valid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not follow the directions that was given by a friend who knows more about the project that we are working on than me, but instead take it upon myself to make changes after a period of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk away holding something within, that made me want to get back at him for correcting me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, later on after work when my friend called my phone, I didn’t answer or respond to his phone call until the next day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify not answering his phone call as a “valid” excuse by telling myself in my mind that I wanted to somehow get back at him for correcting me earlier that day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not answer his phone call out of spite because I reacted energetically to his words earlier.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react energetically with an emotion of embarrassment to his words.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/ understand that by justifying a quick spiteful moment by having a “valid” excuse, I am accepting and allowing my mind to control me into reacting energetically with an emotion of embarrassment which is me not wanting to let go of this pattern and correct myself.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself wanting to justify a quick spiteful moment by having a “valid” excuse, I stop and breathe. I realized that by justifying a quick spiteful moment as having a “valid” excuse, I am accepting and allowing my mind to control me into reacting energetically with an emotion of embarrassment which is me not wanting to let go of this pattern and correct myself.

I commit myself to no longer justify a quick spiteful moment by having a “valid” excuse, but instead I will face the consequence and correct myself.

I commit myself to stopping my patterns by investigating through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application the starting point in which they derived from.

I commit myself to no longer take it upon myself to make changes when given specific directions, but instead I will stay within the parameters of the directions.

I commit myself to no longer walk away holding something within when I am corrected, but instead I will take it as a lesson to myself to ask questions before making any changes.

I commit myself to no longer justify not answering phone calls as a “valid” excuse, but instead realizing that no excuse is valid, I will stop the justifying an excuse and correct myself.

I commit myself to stopping myself from reacting to others words by not placing myself in such position of reaction.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow my mind to control me, but instead I will use breath to stop my mind.

I commit myself to making sure that I don’t go into an emotional energetic reaction of embarrassment when situations arise, but instead I will face the situation and correct myself.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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