Day 15: Accepting Betrayal and Defeat

I have throughout my life accepted and allowed betrayal and defeat. Whenever I have been betrayed I would just chalk it up as defeat, because I thought that there wasn’t anything that I can do about it. Saying to them inside my head; “karma’s a muthaf@!ka” and leaving it as that. Then later on I would walk around wondering, why don’t they get what they deserve? Then I would get angry about nothing happening to them and start wishing that something would happen. I spent all of my time blaming, pointing the finger, ranting and raging about how they did me wrong, playing the victim and all along I didn’t take into consideration all the signs that I was receiving leading up to the point of being betrayed. I had separated myself placing myself inside my own little bubble world doing my own thing instead of focusing on those in my life. With this being said;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept betrayal and defeat being that whenever I have been betrayed I would chalk it up as defeat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there isn’t anything that I can do about being betrayed and therefore I experience being defeated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that I have been defeated and then give up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that “karma is a muthaF@!ka” and leave it at that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry about nothing happening to them and start wishing that something would happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my emotions within and as me of anger make me manifest the expressed act of wishing that something would happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spent all of my time blaming, pointing the finger, ranting and raging about how others did me wrong, playing the victim and all along not taken into consideration all the signs that I was receiving leading up to the point of being betrayed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself placing myself inside my own little bubble world doing my own thing, instead of focusing on those in my life.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand the by accepting betrayal and defeat, I am saying that it’s ok for me to be betrayed and the statement of me condoning such betrayal to happen.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that Karma doesn’t play out according to my lack of taking responsibility for not acting on the signs that I was given and is not a substitute for having to face myself and taking the easy route in admitting defeat.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself accepting and allowing betrayal and defeat chalking it all up thinking that karma will step in for me to not have to face myself and take responsibility for not acting on the signs that I received and taking the easy route in admitting defeat, I stop and breathe.

I realize that my participation in the blaming, playing victim character hinders me from addressing the situation in which I let happen by not acting on the signs that I was given. I also realize that karma doesn’t play out according to my lack of taking responsibility and thus inhibits me from being as effective as I am able to be.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow betrayal and defeat to control me into giving in to my mind to direct me into believing that karma is the cure all for me to not take responsibility, but instead I will step outside my own little bubble world and come back here to physical reality focusing on those around me so that I may act on any sign given and not chalk it up as defeat.

I commit myself to stopping my emotional energetic reacting in situation in which I am failing to take responsibility by investigating through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application the reason why it is that I have continued to fail to take responsibility for not wanting to take responsibility for my actions.

I commit myself to standing up from within not wanting to take responsibility for my actions to taking responsibility and changing my giving into defeat to being responsible for what is best for all life and living that responsibility.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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