Day 3: Either my way or the highway

1366x768_Dizob_Endless_HD_WallpaperI have always been the, “Either my way or the highway” type of person. Whenever I come across something that I liked or if it’s a certain way that I had to do a specific task, I would try figuring out a way to invoke my, “my way” into it or if it’s someone else’s material, I would tell others that I did it or had something to do with it. When it’s all said and done, my “my way” syndrome don’t ever work out the way that I wanted it to work, for my own self –interest reasoning. I always end up getting caught up in my own self-righteous bullshit, trying to place myself on some kind of platform in the moment when I don’t have to. It’s me wanting to be accepted when I’m already accepted, and it’s me also seeking more attention when I already have the attention of whoever is present. Once I get called out on my bullshit instead of admitting it, I immediately get defensive because I’m embarrassed and go into an energetic reaction of anger because at that point my lies have caught up to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that I can do things my way and get the credit for something that is already lined out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a starting point of if I can’t do it my way then I should just give up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to others by saying, that I did something that I didn’t or had something to do with someone else’s work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to change/alter a specific outlined task for my own self–interest gain.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that in having the “my way” syndrome, I am limiting myself to just obtaining praise in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others by placing myself on some kind of platform in the moment, making myself seem more them I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek attention.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that, I seek attention because I am not intimate with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react once I’m called out on my bullshit by immediately getting defensive because I’m embarrassed and go into an energetic reaction of anger because my lies have caught up to me.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself lying to others saying that I did something that I didn’t or had something to do with someone else’s work, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am seeking attention and thus, I commit myself to no longer seek attention and lying about others works that I had nothing to do with but instead remain self-honest in every moment of breath when asked about a particular work.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself changing/altering a specific outlined task for my own self-interest gain, I take a breath to bring myself back here and allow myself to stay within the guidelines of the specific outlined task.

I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness with self-corrective application assist and support myself to investigating why it is that I am not more self-intimate with myself. In this I commit myself to becoming more self-intimate with myself.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to react energetically in anger when called out on my bullshit, but instead see it as a point to investigate why I am still allowing myself to bullshit myself.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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