Day 89: This Is Not What I Wanted To Hear

How many times have we called someone a liar because they said something that we didn’t want to hear or didn’t expect to hear? As if the only news we should hear should suit our self-interest and if it doesn’t, the bearer of the bad news should be stoned or banished from the earth (Hypothetically speaking). If this was the case, we should all be dead. But it’s not and we must face any and all news that we don’t want to hear and correct ourselves within it. Instead we fill our heads with imaginations and create illusions in our minds to hide behind. Not seeing/realizing/understanding that in doing so we have created our external reality as it exist today and swear up and down that it’s not our fault.

The first time I heard the saying; “The truth cuts like a two (2) edged sword” was when I was a child but back then it wasn’t the truth as I come to realize it today, it was a “so called” truth, manufactured out of fear in reference to the belief system of religion. Still within that, I had a notion that it referred to the way I thought in my secret mind and if someone was to tell me what I was thinking, I would say to myself; “This is not what I wanted to hear” and react energetically to the news and call them a liar and if I couldn’t contest it, I would get mad internally and harbor the energetic experience within me.

From then on I created a masking personality in which to hide behind, thinking that others wouldn’t see the real me as to who I had become and whenever someone was able to see behind the veil and “Bust me out” so to speak I wouldn’t want to deal with them anymore and every time I would see them I would either give them the “stink eye” and/or talk bad about them to others as some kind of a get back for busting me out, (Telling the truth) as they saw it. This is not what I wanted to hear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have called someone a liar because they said something that I didn’t want to hear or didn’t expect to hear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think the only news I should hear should suit my self-interest and if it doesn’t, the bearer of the bad news should be stoned or banished from the earth (Hypothetically speaking).

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to face any and all news that I don’t want to hear and correct myself within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fill my head with imaginations and create illusions in my mind to hide behind.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that in doing so I have created my external reality as it exist today and swear up and down that it’s not my fault.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to swear up and down that my external reality as in the way it is existent today is not my fault.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my external reality as in the way it is existent today on others and not take responsibility for my participation in it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think thoughts in my secret mind that I thought others shouldn’t know and if someone was to tell me what I was thinking, I would say to myself; “This is not what I wanted to hear” and react energetically to the news and call them a liar and if I couldn’t contest it, I would get mad and harbor the energetic experience within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react energetically to someone telling me what I was thinking and would call them a liar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react if I couldn’t contest what they had said that I was thinking and get mad and harbor the energetic experience within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a masking personality in which to hide behind thinking that others wouldn’t see the real me as to who I had become and whenever someone was able to see behind the veil and “Bust me out” so to speak I wouldn’t want to deal with them anymore and every time I would see them I would either give them the “stink eye” and/or talk bad about them to others as some kind of a get back for busting me out.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that in saying; “This is not what I wanted to hear”, I am not wanting to face myself as in who I have become and being show through the eyes of another.

When and as I see myself wanting to call someone a liar because they said something that I didn’t want to hear or didn’t expect to hear, I stop and breathe. I realize that the fact that I didn’t want to hear what they are saying or have said is a point that I am not willing to face and/or wasn’t expecting to face but must face because it was brought out in the open.

I commit myself to accepting what I have heard that I didn’t want to hear and assisting and supporting myself to face it, walk through it and correct myself.

When and as I see myself thinking the only news that I should hear should suit my self-interest, I stop and breathe. I realize that my self-interest is the illusion that I try and hide behind to not have to face myself as in who I have become.

I commit myself to coming out from my hiding place behind self-interest and closing all door that would lead me to it.

I commit myself to facing any and all news that I don’t want to hear and correcting myself within it.

When and as I see myself filling my head with imaginations and creating illusions in my mind to hide behind, I stop and breathe. I realize that I have grown accustom to this being my normal way of not taking responsibility for myself, my ways and actions.

I commit myself to re-accustoming myself to one who stands up and accept what I have become and changing my participation within it to self-correction.

When and as I see myself wanting to blame my external reality as in the way it is existent today on others, I stop and breathe. I realize that my external reality exist as the way it is because of my participation internally in my mind as in creating illusions and believing them to be real.

I commit myself to changing/correcting my internal reality to what is best for all so that my external reality will then change to what is best for all.

When and as I see myself going in to my secret mind, I stop and breathe. I realize that there is no such thing as a secret mind it is just another shielded illusion that I came up with to further the separation between me and my physical body which is who I am as life of oneness and equality and thus I commit myself to stopping my mind and rebirthing myself from the physical.

When and as I see myself reacting energetically to someone telling me what I was thinking, I stop and breathe. I realize, why react if it is not the truth, and if it is, why have and energetic experience and accept and allow my mind to extract pure essence from my human physical body, instead of accepting what they said for what it is (the truth) and correcting myself.

I commit myself to stopping my internal mind games because I am killing myself.

When and as I see myself saying; “This is not what I wanted to hear”, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that I am not wanting to face myself as in who I have become and being shown through the eyes of another.

I commit myself to facing, accepting and correcting what I have become and been shown about myself and who I have become that is not conducive to me living what is best for all.